My Life In The Hovel

Hi world!

2010-11-19T00:54:00.001+10:30

I've settled into wordpress. It will never be the same, but it's nice to have made a new blogosphere home. As soon as exams (horror!) are over, i'll be trying to devote some quality blog-time to breaking in my new pad.

Surprisingly, some wonderful bloggers have found the hovel since i left it, and the comments they have left made me smile - something which hasn't been easy recently. It reminded me why i love the blogosphere so much. Finding people to talk with, people's opinions to read, new things to learn... Love it.

My last post was dismal, and less eloquent than i generally prefer to be. However, it was fitting for my mood at the time... because i've been blackballed at my church, my second home, for standing up to two other girls who were being bullied. Because i'm always the 'tough' one, the minister there sided with the bully. That's a very simplified explanation. But there are no words to describe the searing pain that i feel when i think of how the minister behaved, how he treated me after knowing me for 11 years and seeing me grow up. In such a short amount of time he went from my inspiration to my nightmare. What made it worse? The fact that i've not found a single person who agreed with him - and yet not one single person thought that i was worth enough to stand up for, that i was worth anything. For all the church preaches, about aeccptance, standing up for what's right, treating people well and being fair... the church i thought was leading the way in community outreach, and doing amazing things... Turns out they're hypocrites.

It's been a month or so. I don't cry every day now. But i feel like i've been kicked in the stomach everytime i think of church, or anytime something reminds me of the home i used to have there (which is pretty much everything). I was threatened into quitting my job, my friends abandoned me as they were too weak to stand up for what they believed in, and any purpose i thought that i had in life was demolished. It's horrendous. I won't ever get over it. I don't understand it, so i can't move past it.

Exams are nearly over; one more next friday. With all the bad things that happened this semester, not just at church, but with my family and my health, getting through these exams has been monumental. But i'm nearly done, and then i get a break, at last, which will hopefully help. Although, my summers used to be full of activities and events that i ran for my church... and now they'll be empty, through no choice of mine. It's scary. And lonely...

I'll survive, don't worry about that. I know i can go on, without being happy. I know that eventually things will be ok. But for now, i shall write like a prophet of doom. Although, i'll be doing so from wordpress, because the betrayers, the hypocrites, the mean people who hurt me - they can't get to me there. If you don't know those people, and you still like what you've found in the hovel, leave me a comment or throw me an email and i'll cyber-direct you right over to my new digs. If enough of you come, i'll throw a blog-warming. It's lonely over there! Either way, thanks for the comments.

They made my november.

2010-08-20T22:55:00.002+09:30

you wouldn't believe how much life sucks right now. and i can't even blog about it. not like anyone cares.

2010-08-13T01:20:00.001+09:30

Ok, so it's been a long time, no blog. I promise, i have missed you all out there in the blogosphere, but i've been cheating on you with the unfortunate happenings of real life. Here's the lowdown on the last month or so...

* I have immense piles of uni work to do that are just not getting any smaller. Terrifying.

* There are photo albums next to my bed waiting to rearrange, and magazines on the other side waiting to be read

* I need more storage in my room; arguing about this led to the confirmation of my belief that although my parents love me, they do not like me

* Work has been crazy, with various differences of opinion leading to those conferences where people are on their best behaviour

* We have a new office manager; she's awesome

* We lost two staff at the deli and are short handed... unfortunate, because i actually have to work all of the shifts that i'm rostered on for

* I'm scarily close to the end of my degree (ok, so still 2yrs to go, but still) and have no idea what to do next

* I've got a new job prospect for the summer that's quite exciting (fingers crossed it comes through) - so i won't have to work overtime at the deli!

* I've developed some addictions to trashy tv... think Ghost Whisperer, Medium, Will & Grace... and a million other things

* Overall, i live a fairly boring life! Deary me...

Ok, so now you've caught up on all of the nothing that's happened since i was last here. With everything going on at home and work i couldn't bring myself to blog too (especially seeing as there's been a re-run of the episode 'people don't like confrontation or my blog'). Bloggie even went private for awhile, but that made me sad, so i came back. And created a new blog, for being sensible. And hopefully the misconception that i am evil will dissapate.

Ok, i'm so stressed that i'm fluttering and am wound so tightly that i am slightly dizzy - hence the crazy tone to the blog. Me swear me no crazy.

2010-07-31T13:10:00.000+09:30

Uni went back last monday. Already, i'm over a week behind. You see, i did five exams during exam week, and got results for five of my topics (P, P, P, C. D in case anyone was interested). Then there was my evil intensives topic. The whole class (of 200) failed the first one, then most of us failed the resubmission, and then we had to have an interview with her to discuss everything that we did wrong and prove that we weren't idiots. My interview was this week. I didn't find out about it until monday, and spent most of the week preparing for it. So any chance to spend the week studying and getting on top of study was lost.

I passed the intensive.

But now i'm behind. And this weekend is a writeoff because of a million reasons. So, im going to spend the whole term playing catch up. Such fun...

Melbourne!

2010-07-17T22:58:00.000+09:30

I spent the last week in Melbourne with Loz. It was so fantastic to get away, relax (more or less) and have nowhere to be and nothing to do. We were as free as the wind (albeit sick, those silly children at kids club having given us all of their germs!). We stayed with my sister and her partner, and got to meet her gorgeous little girl - my niece - for the first time. Ruby Kate is 9 months old, very long and very skinny with an average sized head (we heard all of the statistics). I adore her.

We were there five days. In that time, we paid for no trams, shopped every day and watched trashy foxtel tv with Pix when we got home at night. It was excellent!!

On monday, we managed to get a tad lost... you see, our map did not reflect the updated tram routed. Oopsie! Running late already, we ended up on a tram running completely the wrong way. Deciding to hop off, we ran for the doors... Loz got through but i was not so lucky. This led to the hilarious scenario of me staring at her through the glass doors as the tram moved away. Thankfully, i could jump off at the next stop and haul my suitcase back to her. Eventually Pix came to pick us up. We weren't actually lost, we knew where we were and where we had to go... but finding a tram that would take us there was hard!! We were only five minutes away really. We got in and met the lovely baby before racing to get changed, nearly missing our taxi and hauling ass to Patee Thai in Brunswick street.

There, we met up with Robyn, the awesome girl that i met on my tour of Ireland back in January. It was so fantastic to see her!! She brought her sister along, and the four of us say on the floor amongst embroidered cushions and elaborate designs, to devour a fairly impressive amount of thai food. So much that the man taking our order laughed at us (he was odd though, he said the orange juice was toxic, but it seemed fine to me!). We got along well, there were no awkward silences and after a few hours we were sad to part ways. Robyn was off on a trip of her own, so unfortunately we didn't get to hang out more!!

Tuesday, we slept in (WOO!). We met Pix's nanny, a lovely girl our age, named Jess. She's studying law/business at uni and nannying a few days a week. Smart idea, it pays super well. She sent us on our way to the Docklands, Melbourne's newest cool-zone... and we proceeded to promptly get lost. Wandering amid giant bunny sculptures and cows stuck in trees, we went full circle with still no idea of where we were going - so we stopped at Gloria Jeans for delicious toast. Mmmmm. Eventually, we figured we'd hopped off the tram in the middle of the Docklands. The DFO (our original destination) was back the way we'd come, and Harbour Town was ahead of us. We made our way to HT first. It was incredibly huge and incredibly awesome. A few hours later, we'd bought boots on sale, scarves, various items of clothing and assorted accessories. We'd also enjoyed the fake snow area where kids were making snowmen, and the machines that blew fake snow across the walkways.

On schedule, we retraced our steps and found the DFO. Our sense of achievement was immense. The pain in our feet was also immense. So we made it quick as we zoomed around the enormous complex. Buy of the day? Awesome top/hoodie/dress to wear over leggings and chillax in from country road ($100 reduced to $20). Melbourne sales are incredible, i swear.

We made it home without further tram-related drama, woo!! Enchiladas for tea, then an excellent night of watching pageant babies on foxtel (complete with follow up showing the girls at 17). Hilarious.

Wednesday, we had plans to watch the new SATC2 movie, because we were still knackered and recovering from KC last week... but we slept until 11am, took a long lunch at the Chocolate Lounge above Spencer Street Station (most amazing mocha i have ever experienced), and meandered through the DFO for awhile. JayJay's proved most surprising, yielding a cool dress and awesome tutu skirts. Not to mention the awesome earrings. We gave up early today and headed home, to chill with Pix on her day off and order thai for dinner (coincidentally from the same place that we'd eaten on monday!). More trashy foxtel viewing ensued.

On Thursday, we again slept in. Eventually, we managed to drag ourself into the city, where Starbucks provided our morning coffee hit. Amazingly, when we ventured into Supre, we were stunned to find that 'slutty' is apparently only a clothing option in SA. In VIC, Supre is awesome. Normal clothes for normal people. Real love set in when we went upstairs and everything was crazy cheap. I ended up with a tie dye skirt for $8 and an awesome jumper for $16. Supre in melbourne is awesome. And they have an online store :P Target led to slightly less cheering rewards, but wasn't a total failure. Myers and DJs were less appealing. Sick to the death of wandering the streets, we headed home.

With a few hundred written pages of instructions from my sister, we picked baby Ruby up from daycare. It was a scary place, with babied lined up in cots everywhere... she was glad to escape!! We walked home and spent the afternoon playing with toys that made funny noises and were attractively bright. Rubes was a cranky pants because she'd missed her nap, but food (although it went everywhere) helped. Aaron came home in time to bath her, and Pix managed to restrain her calling to check up on us to a cool half dozen times. Ruby was smiley smiley by the time she walked through the door. Indian take-away tonight, and masterchef... then Loz and i met the difficult challenge that was fitting all of our new crap into our suitcases while watching True Beauty on the telly. Ahh foxtel, how i shall miss you.

I got up early on friday to spend some more time with the bubs, who was smiley with me and grizzly with her mum and dad, so yay to me. Pix took us to the airport (where we stocked up on Krispy Kremes for the folks back home and i got 'randomly' checked for explosives) and we headed home. We got home sicker and possibly just as tired as when we had left, but we were far more relaxed and better dressed.

It was super fun getting away for awhile. Our plans to do things other than shop required too much energy to organise, but that was just fine with us. We achieved all of our shopping goals, except for a failure to succeed in finding brown flat boots, which we both were looking for. Not bad overall. I loved my little niece, and it was fun spending time with my sister. I think she and i are very similar, which is fun. So, i'm now broke, very sick and back at work (so stress levels are sky high). But, i have a week worth of pleasantness to look back on. Yay for melbourne!!

2010-07-10T16:19:00.000+09:30

Truths For Mature Humans -
(Thanks to Skittles for this! It's so true)

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

21. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

22. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

25. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Survival!

2010-07-10T16:17:00.000+09:30

There aren't many ways to test human survival without the aid of a plane crash, natural disaster or end-of-the-world situation. Kids Club, however, is an excellent test.

With only five or six adults, and a team of unreliable but lovely teenagers, looking after fifty kids a day is a zoo. Each day begins before 8am and is unlikely to end before 6pm. That in itself is a test of endurance. But it's more than that; your voice gets sore from yelling, your mouth gets sore from smiling and pretending to be cheerful for the kiddies when you just want to curl up and sleep, your brain hurts from trying to watch six rooms and once and ensure that every leader is where they are supposed to be and where doing what they are supposed to do (and, in the case of the zoo yesterday, make sure they're not bulldozing over other, non-kids club people!). It's a marathon.

As of around 7pm last night, KC July '10 was over. WOO!! We all survived. Some in better health than others. I have heaps to do at work before all the loose ends are wrapped up and i can get to work on the next program, but i have a week off next week and am going away so i don't have to worry about it for a teeny while. Hurrah!!

Despite all of the stress, it was a great week. Most things went off without a hitch (you can't expect a 10% success rate when working with kids!) and both the kids and parents had an amazing time; we got heaps of positive feedback. And even though some kid nicked off with my giraffe painting, i did score some fluffy tiger ears from Monarto yesterday. Yay!

2010-07-07T21:18:00.000+09:30

This week i've been busting my ass at kids Club. This term, it's just been one stress after another. If it isn't our excursions being double booked, it's a lack of children meaning that our budget will result in a deficit of thousands. If it's not other leaders being cross with me, it's leaders telling me how to do my job - or worse, leaders deciding that they know better than me, and overruling any decision that i make.

I know how to do my job. I know that i am. We've increased numbers from 30 a week to 90, as of last holidays. This holidays we have 40 per day, which is as many as we can handle. We were worried about numbers but have had over a dozen registrations this week alone. We've had three good days so far, doing all sorts of new activities. When you're working with kids, nothing ever goes 100% according to plan, and i don't expect it too - but things have gone fairly smoothly and i'm pleased with how much the kids have enjoyed our new activities, like horse-riding yesterday and a visit to the conservatory today, and tie-dying on monday. People criticise every single activity, and every single plan. I can deal with that, because i know i always take it too personally.

I spend all day making sure that 40 children and 15 adults/teenagers are in the places that they are supposed to be. Everyone else worries about the one or two jobs assigned to them. I'm fairly sure that the new helper thinks i'm a bitch, because i have to use my angry voice sometimes with leaders to get them off their asses. I know, i know, they're volunteers and whatever. But they're there to help! Not play playstation. But people don't remember nice things, only the times when i put on my angry eyes. The kids are much less judgmental; they know when i use my angry eyes i mean business, but they also know that the rest of the time i am good fun and will let them have a pretty free reign. It's no wonder that i love those little kids.

It's hard working in a team like this one. We all have very strong beliefs about what it takes to do this job. As people, these people are lovely. As co-workers, all we ever do is argue and battle. Just like tonight. But it's MY job to run kids club. Their input is to the worship and teaching time. When it comes to making other decisions, that is what i am paid to do. I hate that people don't let me do my job. Endless arguments are immeasurably draining. Being ignored by people who think they know better but are undoubtedly wrong drives me crazy. Being snapped at for putting and end to the endless discussion is frustrating. Being faced with crying people when they don't get their way is annoying. Implying that i help create an unpleasant working environment is downright infuriating.

I like my job when i am left to it. I like talking to the parents, i am proud of what i have achieved. Parents are happy, kids are happy. Leaders, however, are never happy. Team members are never satisfied that i know what i am doing, that i have been in this area for half a dozen years and often know what works, and what's good and what's best. I need to be trusted to do my job. I need not to be questioned on everything. I need not to feel threatened by secret meetings. I NEED these things to work in this job. I don't need autonomy, i need trust and the authority to do my job without a battle at every turn.

I could quit. But i know that will snowball into a disaster and i don't want to be at a church where i've been forced out of a job i was good at. I'm hating this so much. I'll give it until the end of the year, and if things don't improve then i'm leaving. Don't know what i'd do without this job..

Jeremy Clarkson

2010-06-21T21:22:00.000+09:30

I was watching Top Gear this evening. Jeremy Clarkson is so happy with his job. He clearly loves his family and his work and his cars and his life. I want to be like him. Done.

In other news, I ran into someone who used to go to church on the weekend. They used to come a few years ago, and last year they came back. They have since disappeared again. I didn't want to have to suffer though the polite conversation, so i avoided eye contact. But it was too late. He saw me.

"Hi"

"Hi... Sarah, isn't it?"

Gee, thanks. You've known me for years. I know your sister. You haven't seen the only other Sarah that ever went to church in about four years. And Sarah isn't even close to Annabel. It's good to know i'm completely immemorable.

2010-06-19T13:42:00.000+09:30

So. I was going to tell you about a talk i had with a manager at work, about his life. Then maybe i thought about telling you about my stupid family. I could always complain about the enormous amount of work that i have to do. Or how exhausted i am? But i'm exhausted and overworked, so i can't be bothered. Sorry blog world. Not that you care.

I'll be back when procrastination hits the big time.

Youth Retreat

2010-06-14T00:48:00.000+09:30

Despite reservations, on saturday evening i headed to Aldinga to join the older youth on their weekend retreat. I've not been having the best time of it recently, in part due to exams, and to the fact that work is making my life hell - apparently, i shouldn't be taking time to study... so i've been hardly sleeping, and hardly interacting with the outside world. I wasn't quite sure how the camp would go. Sometimes i get along with people, sometimes i don't. Sometimes i fight like hell with Mark, sometimes annoying people drive me a little crazy, sometimes the tiniest things that people say will devastate me, sometimes the very presence of other people is too much. Surprisingly, i had a good time.

I got to hang out with some nice people, play boardgames (i love boardgames), and hang out with people - i never hang out with people. We stayed up until a million o'clock, watching the soccer. Granted, the kids shouldn't've been wandering the streets at 2am. And i should try harder not to be mean to mark... but on the whole, it was a good 24hrs and i was happy for a little while.

By the time we got back into the city, i was no longer smiley. Too many people that are irrationally mad at me, too many people to disappoint, too many people to talk to and smile and at pretend to be someone else around. I got to sing... but music team is always slightly stressful, because nobody really has enough musical knowledge to lead the entire team; everyone knows lots about their particular instrument, but it's so much harder to pull it all together. It makes it a little harder And then the sermon was confusing because i missed it last week and wasn't sure exactly what point we were looking for. Afterwards, i just couldn't stay. Poor boyfriend must hate me for being so miserable... but if i didn't have him, i don't know where i'd be.

My point? youth camp was fun.

Oh, and i survived the finale of Grey's Anatomy, just in case any of you were wondering. Thankfully, the directors and writers decided they didn't hate their viewers as much as i thought they might - they spared us some torture. Phew!

Unbiased? HA!

2010-06-08T21:46:00.001+09:30

I was watching an article on A Current Affair tonight. And i remembered why exactly i never bother much with the news - it is appalling. I don't mean in terms of content; the world is always going to be full of people shooting each other, blowing each other up, stealing warships, blah blah blah and i'm sure it would do us some good to know how many people disembarked international boats and took up residence on our soil today. But when i was watching television tonight, i was appalled to see such biased crap.

The article was about the Scientology convention being held on Hamilton Island. The issue was that the Scientologists had hired the entire island, and didn't want the channel 9 news team to be allowed onto the island. Naturally, channel 9 felt that they had to try their luck anyway. They booked tickets. However, when the Scientologists found out, they asked the Hamilton Island PR people not to allow it. HIPR made many calls and sent numerous emails, text messages, etc informing the crew that they had been informed that there was no intent to visit the island for a vacation, and that they were not welcome in an investigative capacity. They said that if the crew arrived on the island, they would be politely asked to leave. Of course, the crew went anyway. And were asked to turn around and leave, upon arrival. Surprise, surprise.

The article claimed that this was 'unbelievable'. The way that it was presented, and the arrogant tone of the presenter, who clearly believed that Scientology was a despicable cult that was corrupting people, coupled with ominous music, the camera shooting from inside a bag, and from stupid angles like between aeroplane seats, added up to an impression that there was something underhand going on, that there was a conspiracy - and that the Scientologists were actually doing something wrong. Politician Nick Zenophon came on to say that it was appalling and unacceptable, blah blah blah.

Here are the facs that they skimmed over; Hamilton Island is a PRIVATE island. It is not public property. That, in itself, gives the HIPR team the power to decide who is and isn't allowed on the island. The channel 9 news team has no right to go there. And yet they swaggered around as if deprived of a basic human right. Furthermore, if the Scientologists had hired the island for a conference, then they should have some say over who else stays there - they didn't hire the conference rooms, they hired the ISLAND. If the conference had been made up of an international delegation of politicians, and they had refused publicity until such a time as they choose to release a statement, there would have been no talk of an 'unacceptable' conspiracy. If they knew that there was a camera crew headed towards them, with the express idea of uncovering something shady, and making bad publicity for them, why would they ever be allowed on the island? There was never any intention to present an unbiased report of the conference.

I was appalled by this piece. It was so biased that i could really place no reliance on the few facts that they did present. The tone of the piece was anti-Scientology from start to finish. I am not saying that i agree with the Scientology doctrine, but this was not an issue of their beliefs. This was not a case of a religious suicide pact, or a discovery that they had been practicing polygamy, or any other dastardly act. They were merely holding a conference, and didn't want to be interrupted by people whose sole aim was to discredit them. It was an issue of rights - did the channel 9 crew have a right to visit the private island for investigative purposes? No.

So really, they created an article about nothing, making their 'point' to suit their own personal beliefs, rather than representing the facts accurately and relevantly. I'm appalled that an apparently reputable news show would be so biased. I'm actually furious that the Australian public, many of whom will accept this article on face-value, have been presented with such rubbish.

I'd be interested to know if anyone else saw this article, or has something to say on the matter...
If you want to see the article, click here for the link to the video clip.

2010-06-06T17:46:00.000+09:30

i don't want to go to church. i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to. i have SO MUCH work to do. i feel sick. i'm tired. feeling like crap is not my favourite emotion. right now, going out and spending time with people who are making my life hell is NOT going to help. i don't know if i can last another five weeks until i can have some time off. and even then, i have to put everyone else's needs before mine, and change my melbourne trip to see my sister and meet my niece, because god forbid i be able to make my own decisions. i want a new life. any chance that's going to happen? nope, don't think so.

2010-06-01T11:16:00.000+09:30

Do you know what's happening in Adelaide tomorrow? X-Factor auditions are being held. IT would be so cool to enter a competition like that and win. I'd love to be a singer. I'd love to release an album or something. But i'd be no good at dancing around on stage. So that's never going to happen. Not to mention that i'm a good singer, but i'm not a great one. So that's just a pipe dream.

Today, i get to go into uni and somehow convince an idiotic teacher than two of us using an answer that he gave us in class isn't plagarism. If it's what he TOLD us to write, then it's just sensible. When teachers are more idiotic than their students, it's one of the most frustrating things in the known universe.

To add to my day, which is quickly turning into a day from hell, i have strained the muscles in both of my forearms and am in so much pain, because - guess what - you have to use your arms lots in day to day activities. Tonight i get to go to work and be in supreme pain as i lift various meats and sweep and mop and serve two people and pretend like i care and blah blah blah blah blah...

But it's ok, because when i get home i get to keep studying, because that's all i ever do. Woot.

2010-05-29T01:32:00.001+09:30

i currently have so much work that dying is the preferred alternative. i'm barely joking. i've had three assignments due each week, on top of the usual huge amount of study for five topics, and i've been working 18hr weeks. i haven't had more than 6 or so hours sleep in two weeks. i'm exhausted. i'm getting nowhere. nowhere. i miss blogging. in about 100 years from now, i'll have time to come back. hopefully. i have blogs to write. about x-factor and hayley williams and stuff.

2010-05-22T23:59:00.000+09:30

I am currently crying like you wouldn't believe.

It's that time of the year. The time when all the TV shows that i watch decide that the best way to leave their programs at the end of rating season is by either killing off as many people as possible, or... actually, i'm yet to find an alternative. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration. But, in truth, it's either death or some other kind of miserable ending.

At the moment, i have very little faith in humanity. The world is a horrible, sad place, with no metaphorical sunshine to speak of. Add this belief to the misery of end-of-season television, and i'm a mess. These poor characters are suffering under the weight of the world, are facing so many hardships, are just looking for happiness... and aren't finding it. It's so depressing and hopeless.

Would you like an overview of this year's television?

*SPOILER ALERT*

I'll work from least depressing, to most horrible. Just so you have some sort of scale to work with.

Bones - Bones and Booth, disillusioned with their lack of purpose in life, leave each other for the next year; one going on an archeological expedition, the other returning to the army. Miserable, the pair tear themselves away from one another.

The Mentalist - Patrick James suffers through another round of killings by the man who murdered his wife and child. Finally coming face-to-face with the killer, he is left with nothing more than a riddle, and five dead bodies. Nobody understands the pain that he struggles with, knowing that his wife and child died because of his selfishness.

Fringe - Fringe saw Olivia and Walter cross over into the alternate universe (yes, overlook the science fiction and focus on the humanity) to rescue Peter. Oliva finds him - and they finally kiss. Yay!! After a dramatic escape, they destroy William Bell to return to their world... but what Peter and Walter don't know is that alternate-Olivia took out the real Olivia at the last minute. Real Olivia is screaming for help in a blacked-out jail cell in the alternate universe, and alternate-Olivia is preparing to wreak havoc in our world.

Private Practice - You know it's going to be bad when the 16yr old daughter of one of the protagonists goes into labour and is rushed to hospital... but is in a horrific car accident on the way. Possible paralysis, possibly having to let the baby die, possibly letting her die... While you're busy worrying about whether she lives, Dell (who was driving the car) gets a brain bleed and dies on the table, leaving his 7yr old daughter with no parents. Nobody was even worrying about Dell, they were too busy worrying about Maya! It was horrible.

One Tree Hill - We're getting to the really bad stuff now. Hayley is severely depressed after the death of her mother, but is finally starting to feel again. But who cares? Because Miranda leaves Michael and he is left alone. Because Mia left Chase... even though she wants him back. But mainly because Quinn and Clay finally managed to rid themselves of their crazy stalker (ha, fat chance) - but then, in the last seconds, she comes back and shoots them both. With gunshots that were incredibly loud and caused me to grab at Boyfriend so hard, that he was in serious pain. How can Quinn and Clay die?

Grey's Anatomy - Ok, so here's the worst one. Made even worse because i'm only half way through the two hour finale and i'm already a wreck. Try this on for size - Meredith is pregnant, but Derek doesn't know. Crazy gunman shows up, desperate to kill Derek because his wife died in his care. In his search for Derek, the crazy gunman kills Reid. Shoots Karev. Kills a bunch of other people. Shoots Percy... and then finds Derek. I breathed a sigh of relief when it appeared that Derek had talked his way out of death - but then that stupid little bitch of an intern ran out of his office, startling the gunman and getting Derek shot in the heart. Derek, who doesn't know his wife is pregnant. Derek, whose wife is watching from across the room. Derek, who is the heart of this show, and is finally happily married to Meredith. It was beyond heartbreaking. The only thing that has so far stopped me from falling to pieces is that there's another hour left in the double episode and i'm praying that, by some miracle, he's going to be ok. Wishful thinking, i know.

Why do the writers feel the need to create so much misery? Do they have to little confidence in their ability to enthrall the audience without killing off half the cast? There'll be three months before i can find out how these imaginary worlds will deal with the pain. I don't know if i can cope with another season made up of misery. When TV reflects life so accurately, it fails as the escapism that it should be. I don't want to escape to a world where everyone is as sad as i already am!!

I am supposed to be doing an assignment. I have two due on monday that i haven't started. However, my disillusion with human life has taken precedence. As Boyfriend plays in his own little world, while i cry on the bed, the though of study is beyond me. Sadness should be enough of a reason to beg for an extension, but it isn't. Oh well, can the added misery of study really be unexpected in a world where the best that you can hope for is a fantasy, and you must bring yourself to settle for mediocrity?

2010-05-14T20:42:00.000+09:30

I am so sick of being so fucking miserable and angry all the fucking time. I'm sick of people telling me what to do, trying to 'handle' me and tell me that what i think is wrong. I don't want to be part of a team. I want to do things MY way, because i'm sick of cleaning up everyone else's fucking mess. I'm sick of everyone trying to rip me off, so i can't even afford to take my kids that i word with on excursions. I'm sick of being alone all the time. I'm sick of looking after people. I hate not being happy or excited. I'm sick of being sick, sick of being angry and sad, sick of uni and sick of work. Sick to the fucking death of everything.

Happy Birthday Mum

2010-05-12T21:06:00.000+09:30

Today is mum's birthday, so we went out for dinner.

My family is crazy. We don't always get on. My parents love me, but i've always been a prickly person. Tonight, i was just invisible. Invisible, or not good enough. Want the examples of how?

1. As soon as we sat down, mum and dad started harassing me about doing in internship at a law firm, so i could see what it's like. I don't want to do an internship. I'm already crazy busy. I don't even know if i want to do law. That lead to them angrily telling me that i needed to start seriously thinking about what i was going to do with my life. Gee, thanks, it's not like i'm not already worried that i have no ambition. Thanks for being supportive.

2. Mum and dad were talking to my brother about the football match he wants to see, because that's the date they will go on the family trip to melbourne to see my sister and her baby. My protests that i didn't know if i could go then were ignored. Looks like i'll be staying home.

3. My dad asked me how long i'd had two holes in my left ear. It's been a year.

4. We were talking about insuring the house and contents. I wanted mum to include my books and dvds. I have literally hundreds of books in my room. At an average price of $20 each, that's approximately $8000, at the very least. And that's just the ones on the shelves in my room - not the ones packaged in the roof, or downstairs. Or my dvds. Worthy of insuring, if you ask me. Mum laughed. And moved on to the next topic.

5. I was telling mum that i'd had to forge a friend's signature the other day, which i thought was fairly cool. Mum turned to my brother and started talking to him. When i repeated myself, she said 'yea, i heard you'. Gee, thanks for acknowledging me.

So. I have no girl friends. And my parents either see right through me, or think i suck. Fan-fricking-tastic. Don't even get me started on all the other things they routinely yell at me about. I don't want to get any more miserable tonight.

Girls Just Wanna have Fun

2010-05-12T20:49:00.000+09:30

Cyndi Lauper had it right when she sang about girls more or less just wanting to have a good time.

Today, i had a long coffee date with Pi from uni. It was fantastic (numbingly cold, but fantastic). We chatted about her newly-married life, her friend's upcoming wedding and difficult bridesmaid, my stupid work, how ridiculous it is that dress sizes are so short and small...

i was complaining about stupid work, after we'd talked about the wedding for awhile. Suddenly, Pi said that she had to go and meet her mum. I felt really stupid, like i'd been talking too much and she'd just been dying to leave. I realise that this is unlikely, but i now feel very embarassed. I realised that the main reason that i'd been talking nineteen to the dozen was because i was craving some girl-time.

Since school finished, i have had less and less contact with my school-girl friends. This isn't so much on my part as it is theirs; over time, many of my best school friends have decided that they're too good for me, too busy for me, or too exciting for me... either way, i don't really see them anymore. In fact, the most girl-time that i have is my one a week coffee date with Pi, after our wednesday class, when time permits. Sure, i see Loz reasonably often, but she has a slight tendency to be harsh and critical of people, including me... which makes it hard to confide in her, as much as i love her. Other than that, i have rare catch ups with Miha, or LozK... but that's pretty much all. I don't have a little group of girls that do things like go to the movies, or go shopping, or have girls nights in. The coffee dates i do have are generally cut short, because we're too busy. Alternatively, rare coffee dates are spent catching up on the last month or two, and by the time we've done that it's time to go.

I drove past Urrbrae High the other day. I nearly burst into tears, looking at all of the girls walk into school laughing and smiling with their friends. I miss that so much, having girls to talk to. Pi has a group of four or five really close girlfriends in her church, and she's so lucky. At the moment, i'm so out of place at church that i'm spending as little time as possible there. With only one or two girls my age there anyway, none of whom really participate in the university/part-time job type of life, there's not that much hope for an epic friendship group anyway. Uni isn't much better - i hardly know anyone in my degree, and by fourth year (this year), most people are already settled in their groups, so that chance is lost.

I miss the days when Loz, Katie and i were inseparable. Or when Roz, SB, Ayles and i spend every saturday night going to the movies or just hanging out. I miss being able to just rock up at someone's house to hang out. Or having people i can just be comfortable with, and chat about anything, rather than monitoring my every word. As it was, it was only in my last school years that i had those kind of friends...

Maybe when i enter the workforce i'll find a place where i finally fit in. But, knowing me, it's unlikely. Maybe i'm destined to spend the rest of my life without those kinds of friends. I mean, Boyfriend is amazing, and i don't know what i'd do without him. He's my best friends. But he's a guy. So it's just not the same...

I miss having 'the girls' to hang out with, so so much. Life without good friends really does suck.

Poor Car

2010-05-11T17:39:00.000+09:30

Remember the scary accident that i was in a month ago? Well, so far, no repairs have been made on my car, because they've been waiting on the insurance company to make an assessment. Which they haven't done yet. Currently, they're trying to decide whether or not to write the car off. Although the damage wasn't enormous, it was spread across four panels, which makes it quite a job to repair. However, they're taking FOREVER to decide what to do. In the meantime, mum and i are sharing a car, and it's starting to drive us both a little crazy. At the moment, it looks like the car will be written off...

So far, the only upside i see is that it may take less time to buy a new car than to fix the old one. And also, if i got a new car, i wouldn't have to clean my old one. Major bonus!

Happy Birthday to ME! Pt 2...

2010-05-10T22:00:00.000+09:30

As saturday dawned, so did the day of my 21st birthday party. Supposedly, i was all organised... however, fate was not on my side.

The day started calmly. I went to get my hair done (i now have gorgeous, shiny dark hair, and a side fringe. Love it!) - amidst calls from my mother, as she started panicking. The more she panicked, the more stressed i became. My uncle had flown over from melbourne, with his gorgeous new baby boy, whom my mother and i hadn't met yet. Except, he'd flown in saturday arvo, and was flying out sunday morning... giving us practically no time to meet the baby!! So, after getting my hair cut, we flew over to Nan's to meet him. He was so adorable!!!!!! Then, it was off to the Griffins to set up for the party. We picked up two bunches of colourful helium ballons, and a big, shiny '21' ballon pair on the way. After arranging the room, we raced home.

Enter the really stressful period. The DVD i made full of photos didn't work, so i spent ages redoing it. The playlists i had spent hours making were finally finished - but my ipod wouldn't sync and i therefore had no music. Crap. By this point, it was 7pm and i was supposed to be leaving. I rushed to get ready (i couldn't do my dress up, i couldn't fix my eyelashes, the curls in my hair had fallen out, i had no heel grips in my shoes)... and i missed the taxi. Mum and dad took it, i kept getting ready, then i drove Nick and his friends into the city. By the time i raced upstairs, i was hot and bothered and facing a room that already had a crowd of people in it.

It took awhile for things to calm down. I plugged my computer in, in place of a DVD. I threw some CDs on, instead of my ipod. I found my shoes.

The next few hours were a blur. I greeted lots of people, got lots of pressies and swapped my heels for my flats. Mum wrote a poem for her speech that was really cute, then Loz and Loz K did speeches too (that were fairly nice about me). By 11pm, dad was ready to leave, so he and mum started taking pressies and stuff down to the car. Unfortunately, people took this as a cue to leave. Before long, there were only about 15 or so people left. Thankfully, there were some fun people. And we had $400 left on an open bar, so we started shots and jagerbombs and whatever we could think of. Hodgey (one of the boys i love so much, and love to party with) turned up and helped us make it a party. Then it was 1am and they kicked us out.

I put some people in cabs (they peaked too soon), and we went to the Elephant. But that didn't last long either. Our plans for dancing were set aside when boyfriend got a little overenthusiastic with the alcohol and needed me to take him home... we got kicked out of the cab halfway home because boyfriend was feeling sick, and we had to walk the rest of the way. No more dancing!

All in all, i had a really good night. Granted, everyone pretty much left before 11, except for a few people who hadn't turned up until after 10. One of my best friends was in melbourne, another was passed out drunk, another went home drunk at 11... four of my five best friends from school weren't there, because they don't love me anymore. A few of my close friends who did come, didn't bring presents, which really just means that they don't love me. Boyfriend got drunk and i had to take him home instead of going dancing. My hair wasn't curly, and Loz came up to me and said 'you should've curled your hair, it would've been better'... lovely. One of the speeches from my bestie was written on a post-it...

Considering all those things, it was hardly a perfect night. A few friends made kind gestures though, and a reconnected with a few people, and that's what made it a good night. Loz took the hint and made me a scrapbook for my present. Also, a friend from dance, and an old school friend who i barely ever see anymore came along and stayed for hours - it was so lovely of them. Once again, i realised that it's events like this that show me that the people who care about me are never the people that i think they are.

So it was a good party and a memorable 21st. Which is good, because the next important birthday is 30, and that'll be a depressing one, because i'll be old!!!

Happy 21st Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2010-05-10T21:18:00.000+09:30

Hi blogosphere! I've missed you. Thanks to the hectic ups and downs of everyday life, i've had my Blogger dashboard sitting in my browser window for weeks, but i haven't had time!! So let me catch up.

The biggest thing that's happened? I turned 21!

For the first time in a few years, there were no emotional dramas and i managed to enjoy the day. Boyfriend and i went shopping... i bought a sparkly pair of high heels (ok, so they're not the most comfortable, but they were 50% OFF!! and so pretttttty and shiny), some shiny flats (ok, maybe two pairs, because they were on sale), some cheapie gold flats to wear with my party dress so that when my heels inevitably got sore i could do a swapsies... it was a good shoe day. Boyfriend was so patient. I rewarded him with lunch. And then we went DVD shopping. And bought him a while new outfit to wear to my party. He looked so handsome. And he was so patient and lovely. We even went shopping for a shiny new camera. It's beautiful and small and shiny and AWESOME!

I had an icky work meeting with my old boss, but i'm just deciding not to think about that **mind wipe!** We had family tea, which was pretty chilled, as my auntie and grandpa weren't there. And then i spent the night having cuddles with my lovely boyfriend, who was definitely in the good books for being so patient as he wandered back and forth in the shops with me.

As for pressies? Mum and dad gave me a painting, that i absolutely love. It's hard to explain, but it's perfectly 'me'. Thumbs up to mum for making a great pick. My brother gave me eiffel tower bookends, i got pearl earrings from Nan, and Jen (auntie) gave me a really cool, quirky necklace that i love. But the best present of all? That would be my gorgeous, shiny, silver Tiffany's bracelet from my boyfriend. He knew i loved it, and even though i told him not to get it (it may have cost a small fortune...) - he did anyway! He's so lovely.

All in all, a lovely birthday.

Birthday Girl!

2010-04-30T22:45:00.000+09:30

Woo, i'm 21!

I love my birthday. And for the first time in years, my birthday was great. I'm going to tell you all about how great it was later on. My party is tomorrow night, so i won't be able to fully asses the birthday greatness until after than. Plus, i still have heaps to do, so don't quite have time to blog at the moment!

One thing is for sure - some of my mates have proven their awesomeness. And my mum occasionally is spot on in knowing what to get me. I love birthdays!!

I hope all of you have a fantastic weekend - and i'd better see some of you at my party tomorrow night!!

2010-04-28T20:35:00.000+09:30

Evidence assignment is handed in, all other uni work is on the backburner, my itunes music all has album artwork... (flipside - i have a nasty cold, a swollen eye, a burning desire to skip out on the gym today...). In a week or two i'll probably have some semblance of a life back. Woot!

Mother, May I

2010-04-26T11:27:00.000+09:30

This post is password protected, so that my rantings will be vaguely moderated. The world makes me angry. You know the drill; if you really have to know, i need an email.

Internet World

2010-04-25T20:47:00.001+09:30

So, i discovered some new sites. I can't decide if they're sites that make me happy about humanity, or sad that people go through such sad things to start with. Either way, they're an interesting read... Oh, and i'm adding some other awesome sites that everyone should know about. Check them out.

1) Gives Me Hope

2) Love Gives Me Hope

3) PostSecret

4) Texts From Last Night

I'm sure there were some others that i wanted to add, but i can't think of what they are right now... i'll get back to you. Here are a few examples...

Gives Me Hope

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me.

When I asked why, he took out a list. It was 337 reasons long, and he said he had a pen in his back pocket in case he remembered any new ones.

His love gives me hope.

A 74 year old man has an rare antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia.

He has donated plasma almost 1000 times since he was 18 years old. He has saved an estimated 2.2 million babies so far.

James Harrison, you GMH.

Texts From Last Night

2010-04-25T11:58:00.000+09:30

Ok, so i talked my way out of that failed research test, and got a distinction on an essay i handed in for psychology. That was all very reassuring, but i now have two more large essays to write and heaps of regular work to do... borderline panic.

Plus side: i get to have lunch with my lovely boyfriend today while he's on his work break.

Another thing: dreading my party next week.

I'd like to proudly announce that i went into a bookshop yesterday to buy a cookbook for a friend's 21st and DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING FOR MYSELF. I'm clearly growing. As both a person and a discerning book collector. Not only that, but i successfully navigated a 21st yesterday that only had a handful of people that i know at it. Granted, one of them was a girl i was very close friends with at school who now refuses to speak to or acknowledge me EVER, which was a little awkward. But the boys seemed nice and friendly. I think they genuinely like me (or are very good at faking it). Fingers and toes crossed that they turn up next weekend because those drunk boys definitely know how to make a party. Seeing as a few of my closest friends aren't coming. I'm such a priority in these people's lives.

Blah blah blah potatoes... time to try to study for a half hour or so. Good luck me.

2010-04-19T20:57:00.001+09:30

Well, i'm officially a failiure, which is always nice to discover. Strike three on my research quiz, and i now have to schedule a meeting with the topic co-ordinator to discuss what happens next. There is so much that is unfair about this situation, and i'm going to have to try and get these points across to the teacher, without sounding angry, upset or irrational. And i'll have to beg for a fourth chance... or a pass. Seeing as i got over 70% in the first round (where the pass mark was 80%), and after the second round the pass mark was reduced to 70%, i think i should get through... but i only got 55% for the second round, and i have no idea how i went in the third round - just that i didn't do well enough. Fan-fucking-tastic. Uni is so freaking stressful. If i don't somehow pass this quiz, then i fail the topic and it goes on my transcript forever. I really need to become a recluse and only study alllllllll the time.

2010-04-16T10:35:00.000+09:30

So, the amount of work that i have to do is insane. I'm scared crapless. Mainly because i'm unable to focus. And i am spending most of my time running between work, other work, doctors appointments and catchups with friends that are more necessary than luxury - otherwise they won't be my friends anymore! On top of that, i have a birthday party to plan, an office and a bedroom to clean, a brother to drive around all weekend while my parents are away... stressful!! I'm enjoying my new blog though, much more interesting than studying.

Scary Car Accident

2010-04-13T19:52:00.000+09:30

This afternoon i was in a car accident.

I had just dropped boyfriend off at work, and was driving home. The next thing i knew, i was hit. The impact forced my car towards the cars parked on the curb, so i spun the wheel away and swerved back across the two lanes. With a car coming towards me from the opposite direction, i finished spinning, completing a 180 and then the car stalled, facing the wrong way on the road. Thankfully, there were no cars coming when i stepped shakily out of the car.

A nice construction man ran over, and moved my car to the side of the road. Two ladies came running up to me; they'd seen the accident. Both gave me their details, one called the police and the other went to speak to the man who'd hit me. It had all happened so fast, i didn't even know what had gone on. They told me that the man had pulled out from the curb to throw a u-turn. The 60+ year old idiot hadn't looked carefully enough, and smashed into the back of my car.

He tried to deny it was his fault, but the witnesses has seen everything. My poor car is smashed from the back bumper, to the front door. The police weren't coming, because we were neither drunk nor smashed up in the middle of the road. So, the old man went home, and the nice witness lady waited with me until my mum came, because i was shaky and in shock. We then had to wait ages for a tow truck to haul my car away.

Mum seemed to see the whole incident as more of a nuisance than a scare. But i was pretty shaken up. If there had been any other cars in my lane, or others coming in the opposite direction, there was no way i would have avoided them and the accident would have been so much worse than it was. As it is, my car will take weeks to fix.

I'm just very glad that i, and everyone else involved, got out of the ordeal unscathed. That's the main thing.

50 Amazing, but Useless Facts

2010-04-13T19:18:00.000+09:30

1. The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.

2. Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

3. Of all the words in the English language, the word 'set' has the most definitions!

4. What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.

5 ."Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

6. "Rhythms" is the longest English word without a vowel.

7. In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child

8. A cockroach can live 9 days with its head cut off!

9. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

10. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath

11. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

12. It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!

13. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

14. Horatio Nelson, one of England's most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.

15. The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London

16. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people

17. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!

18. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!

19. One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!

20. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!

21. The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man

22. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

23. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

24. The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.

25. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

26. Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and only one of his testicles worked.

27. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

28. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."

29. Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

30 .On average a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.

31. More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

32. The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

33. More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.

34. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

35. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its' heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

36. The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

37. Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

38. It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

39. You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

40. Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!

41. Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

42. It is possible to sneeze with your eyes open!

43. The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

44. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

45. Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

46. Slugs have 4 noses.

47. Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

48. A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

49. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

50. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

Goodbye for Now...

2010-04-12T23:13:00.000+09:30

Life sucks sometimes. Unfortunately for the hovel, life sucking means that i'm abandoning my blog for awhile. It got too complicated when the inappropriate things that someone else was writing on their blog were being blamed on me... because i had a blog first? Or something equally ridiuculous. Either way, the hovel is going to have to take a hiatus. Do i still blog? Of course. I've just moved to wordpress. Not that anyone cares, but if they did i wouldn't be able to tell them the address, because having real-world people know where i blog is... not good. I suppose if someone gets... misdirected... over to wordpress and happens to find where this girl now blogs... well that's their perogative. Hopefully they'll be smart enough to keep their traps shut and i won't have to enter the blog-relocation program again. I miss the hovel... but i don't seem to have much choice at the moment! Hopefully one day i can come back home...

Two Things...

2010-04-12T18:39:00.000+09:30

Two Things...

1. Apparently, i do have blog readers. People have started calling me Bella. It's interesting. I don't know if i feel like a Bella!! But at the same time, when people call me Annie, that feels weird too. And Annabel always makes me feel like people are getting cross at me. Clearly, i'm uncomfortable in my own name. Perhaps i should wear a bag over my head and refer to myself as 'the mystery woman'? Just a thought.

2. I have a new blog. I review things. Books, movies, tv, blogs. I have to try to write like a smart person on it. Time to get my writing skills back up to scratch. I like blogs. I like books. I have opinions. It seems like a good place to start.

2010-04-11T19:08:00.000+09:30

So, i'm experiencing some agoraphobia. Leaving the house right now, and seeing people, is scary and hard, and i can't do it. Going out to face the world seems impossible. The thought of going shopping with my mum scares the crap out of me, which is unfortunate as it is a necessity. I didn't go to church tonight, as facing all of those people, some of whom i know will judge me, was a task i couldn't face. I made it to Boyfriend's today, but once i got there i was jumpy and tense. Even though i got huggles, i couldn't stay. I missed a 21st and a hen's night last night. I have to go to work tomorrow, and i'm dreading it. Thank goodness i have two weeks of holidays to pull myself out of this before i have to start attending classes again.

What's In A Name?

2010-04-10T22:33:00.000+09:30

Romeo and Juliet had a fairly tumultuous last few months of life. Obviously. It's what they're famous for. I wonder if they were so full of poetic lines and dramatic gestures in their earlier years.

I've always been a fan of some of the more classic lines from this Shakespearean work of art. 'To sleep, perchance to dream' and 'goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow' won me a public speaking contest in year 12, when i played to the elderly judges and spoke about the poetry of the world, visible in word and surroundings. Ten points to me.

Lately, another line has been running through my head...

Juliet: What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.

Romeo & Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

I was born Annabel. Somewhere in high school, my friends started calling me Annie. Mostly. There are a few Anna, Ann and Bella's thrown in there. And a few less acceptable nicknames, which i will let slide here.

I think a person's name says a lot about a person. Think about movies, for example. Bella, in Twilight is pretty, dramatic and interesting. Characters named Annie are more often seen as red-headed orphans. I'd rather be a Bella than an Annie. Especially because Bella means beautiful, and i need all the help i can in trying to associate myself with the idea of my being beautiful.

I want to be a Bella!

Hey Fatty

2010-04-10T21:13:00.000+09:30

This post is password protected. If you desperately want to know what i'm keeping from you, i'll need an email address. If i consider you worthy, i'll give you the magic word.

Kids Galore

2010-04-07T20:00:00.000+09:30

This week is kids club week. So far, we've had 92 kids over the entire week, and 50+ each day. It's our biggest kids club yet, and things are a little crazy. We have plenty of leaders, but it's still incredibly draining. I'm also really sick, like throat unable to bear swallowing, and head dizzy and spinning all the time. It's unpleasant, to say the least. The kids are having a great time, and the leaders are getting along well. The activities are going well (although this afternoon, the public transport that we used was disastrous - last time i trust a male with anything, i swear). Right now, i can hardly stay awake. I thought i'd just let everyone know that i'm not dead - although i may be dying of a mysterious illness - and give a reason for my absence. I'll be back at some point, possibly after a few months sleep. An induced coma perhaps?

Hope everyone had a lovely easter!

The Perfect Adelaide Date...

2010-04-06T21:24:00.000+09:30

I love Adelaide. And i love to watch young love bloom in lovely Adelaide.

That's not entirely true, but i liked how many times i could put 'love' into a sentence. On the whole, young lovers make me feel a little queasy. Damned cheesy couples. That said, i suppose many would say that boyfriend and i are probably the cheesiest of the cheesy. It's fun.

Anyway, after an exceptional coffee date (with the girls) the other day, i have decided it is important to compile a list of must-dated in Adelaide. We may be small, but we're definitely not boring.

1. Bracegirdles

Bracegirdles is a chocolate/coffee house in Burnside (Greenhill road, just opposite the Burnside shopping centre). They specialise in turning Belgium chocolate into all sorts of delectible goodies. For example, when we were there, we had chocolate fondue with fruit, and mochas (the best mocha i'd ever had). The chocolate is to die for. Granted, it's not the best date if you're watching your waistline - which all women constantly are - but it's completely worth it for the deliciousness. Aside from the taste, Bracegirdles has a lovely atmosphere; little tables, a fireplace, a delectable coziness... Perfect for a romantic date.

2. Lookouts

Thanks to Adelaide's small size, the view from surrounding hills means you have a complete nightscape of the city, twinkling with the lights. Granted, Windy Point is a little crowded these days (random bogans being 'cool' and strange old men checking their postage in their cars... true), but being surrounded by hills means that there are plenty of other good spots to check out. I love shiny things, so this is always fun. Use your handy dandy Street Map to find all the local lookouts and check them out.

3. Beaches

While insanely busy during a typical sunny day, by the time the sun starts to set things are settling down a little at Glenelg. Long walks along a moonlit beach, gelati on the boardwalk, sitting on the sand watching the firey sun fall into the ocean... completely cliqued, but for a good reason. It just gives that warm, fuzzy, happiness feeling on the inside!

4. Something a little more Out There...

For those couples who are up for something a little more adventurous, i could suggest the more kooky date locations... like Zone3 laser tag on South Road, where you can run around in blacklights defending your base and wearing super cool plastic armour. Or Cross Road Bowl, where they turn on the disco lights and party the night away while people throw heavy balls down an alley. Often fun. Or perhaps you could go paintballing, a la Ten Things I Hate About You (think Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles covered in paint, and falling for one another).

5. Gold Class

For those with a little more moola in their pockets, Gold Class movies are a must. Despite the astronomical and completely ridiculous costs, it's so much fun to be so spoilt and comfy while watching a good movie. Think reclining chairs with foot rests, food and drinks delivered at your lesiure, and only a maximum of about 15 other people in the cinema to annoy you. Tips: see a long movie, because if you're paying through the nose it had better be worth it; the shoestring fries are delicious, as are the sundaes; 3D in goldclass is super fun; and, the experience of being so spoilt is slightly disconcerting.

I can't think of anythink more right now, but i figure that's enough for a good few dates. You can always do the usual things, like coffee dates at Spats (an old brothel-turned-coffee house), have Sushi at the Sushi Train (how can people resist food coming to them on a little train?!) or go to the Royal Adelaide Show and get your beloved to win you a stuffed toy on the sideshows (a personal desire of mine that is yet to be fulfilled). Don't forget, men get bonus points for coming up with their own ideas instead of just stealing the ideas of a random girl from her blog!

Good luck men. May your women appreciate your efforts. And may you remember that dating is a necessity in any relationship, one that is not to fade into the background once a couple has become comfortable enough with one another to wear their ugly trackies and stop sneaking out of bed in the morning to brush their teeth, and pretending they just woke up like that.

2010-04-04T23:40:00.000+09:30

Every day is a struggle at the moment. Wow, how emo do i sound. Do you have any idea how much i would give to be full of sunshine and rainbows and laughter? While i realise that nobody is happy all the time, i think that being this sad and miserable and sick all the time isn't how life is supposed to be.

As it stands, i can't get out of bed in the morning, i cry all the time and i am having dizzy spells all the time. Occasionally, i'll have bursts of uncontrollable laughter - fun for a time, but when you're crying and you can't stop laughing for no good reason it's not such a hoot.

It's Kids Club next week. Four days, each about 10hrs long, filled with yelling kids and unhappy leaders and arguments, personality clashes, weather ruining our plans and the appalling public transport system of south australia. At the moment, i just don't want to do my job anymore. I get very little happiness out of it... yes, i organise everything and kids club is growing bigger every holidays. But where am i going? Nowhere. I'm not getting promoted (in fact, i'm getting less responsibility and my name isn't even on the website), i'm not making a career out of things, i'm not even very involved during the week - i tend to spend the week making sure that everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing. I like organising things... but somehow, this just is no longer putting a smile on my face.

I still have classes next week (stupid uni holidays not matching school holidays), so i have work coming out of my ears. I've had three shifts at the deli this weekend (one more to go tomorrow), and a bunch more jobs to do for kids club. Time just runs away from me!! I'm dying to sleep in and relax for a little while.

To survive, i've spent my hard earned cash on dvds and books. Thank goodness for internet buying. Don't thank goodness for my rapidly diminishing bank balance. Money sucks.

Poor boyfriend has been a saint, putting up with my miserable moods, tears and clingy-ness. Thankfully, he still loves me and wants to look after me. I'd do anything to have him with me now, giving me cuddles and making me feel safe. But he's not here and i'm shaky and upset and feel like crap. Crap is seemingly my default setting at the moment.

I'm off to waste time until i'm so tired that i can pass out exhausted. Before i drag myself out of bed tomorrow morning, to go to work again... life sucks.

HELL as explained by a Chemistry student...

2010-04-03T19:21:00.000+10:30

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

2010-03-30T22:08:00.000+10:30

As we speak (write?), i'm addressing a bajillion - of what feels like a bajillion - envelopes for my birthday. The difficulty of this is compounded because many people haven't given me their addresses, so i have to play detective. Thank goodness for facebook and online white pages.

I currently have no money, as i spent it all on birthday pressies for other people today, and food for boyfriend and i, and our trip to gold class last week (remind me to tell you about that later!). This has nothing to do with my invites. It just happens to be worrying me today!!

I have so much to do tonight, and i have to be up at half seven tomorrow morning, as i have a stupid and confusing class at 9am and traffic at that time of day is appalling. Getting there will be a nightmare.

Jeepers, life is taxing at the moment. I can't wait for the holidays.

2010-03-26T20:47:00.000+10:30

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful and when a girl says shes ugly then she wants u to say ur beautiful or pretty back' #11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.#13 When she's scared, protect her.#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.#25 Don't let her have the last word.#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.#37 Let her into your world.#38 Let her wear your clothes.#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her#40 Let her know she's important.#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

This made me think of my beautiful boyfriend. I'm really lucky.

2010-03-23T21:59:00.002+10:30

So much can change in a few days. The pre-birthday expectations are gone, reality has bitten. I know that half the people i've invited won't turn up to my party, the ones that do probably won't have lots of fun, and i'll probably not get any gifts that i'm in love with. Expectations are always dangerous. Who needs birthday celebrations? They're just another day in a neverending week.

2010-03-22T17:04:00.005+10:30

It's my birthday soon!! I'll be 21, yay! I like birthdays, i get to be spoilt, i get pressies, and i've lasted another year on this earth. This year, i also have a reason to have a big party. Woo! My last two birthdays haven't been great, thanks to some brothers who had a tendency to make my life miserable. Thankfully, one of them reformed, and is desparate to make up for his jerk-ishness this year. Unfortunately, this is involving him saving all his money, which he can't afford! But nothing will talk him out of it. However, i know what he plans on getting me, and it's gorgeous, so i'm very much looking forward to it.

As far as i'm concerned, it isn't the amount that someone spends on a present that is important. It's the thought behind it. I could get a present worth $2 as long as it shows that someone has put thought into it.

For example, the thing that i want most for my birthday this year is a scrapbook from my best friend. A few years ago, i made a scrapbook for a friend. It was amazing, and i wished i could've kept it. I love things like that; photos arranged and decorated and designed in a scrapbook. Unfortunately, i'm the person who makes things like that for other people, and nobody will make one for me, despite all of the hints i drop.

So, other than that number one wishlist item, here's what else is on the list...

* Will & Grace dvd box set
* Canon IXUS digital camera (either the 120, 110 or 105, i can't decide)
* A comic strip written/framed for me by my friend, Kath
* Bottled happiness.
* Books - anything that someone thinks i'd like
* A black ninja figure from the papershop around the corner
* Magazine subscriptions? Cosmo or Cleo or something with good articles...
* Something that could give me an unlimited amount of time to do my study
* Pretty hair slides
* 'Daisy' perfume by Marc Jacobs - eau de parfum, not eau de toilette (apparently mine is the crappy kind, as i was told recently)
* Birthday cards with lovely messages inside
* Boardgames! Like Monopoly, or Guess Who, or something with good trivia!

I have a feeling that i will get very few of those things. So i'll save up and buy them myself. I wish that people knew me well enough to give me things that mean something to me, rather than things that i never want or need or use... One day, i hope that people will learn to understand me.

Either way, i think this year will be a good birthday...

2010-03-21T16:58:00.002+10:30

This week is a struggle. I have so much work to do (study wise, i have the week off from the deli) and i'm just getting nowhere. It's a battle to study, i just can't focus and i'm making no headway. Last night, i had to leave youth group early - i just couldn't do it. I wasn't going to be any use to anyone, i had no enthusiasm and was feeling awful. I don't know if i'm sick, or what, but i'm useless. I WANT to work, i want to get everything done and be on top of things for once. It's so stressful being behind. It's so frustrating. I WANT TO BE FUNCTIONAL!!

2010-03-16T12:23:00.002+10:30

I am currently sneaking surreptitious bites from the muffin that i have hidden in my lap as i sit in the computer room at uni. Apparently, they have a 'big brother' thing going here, where there are cameras monitoring us to make sure we don't eat or drink in the rooms. If they catch us, we get banned from the computers for the rest of the semester. Clearly, that would be bad, as i need things to do in my frees (when study obviously isn't going to be enough to hold my attention for an hour). Seeing as my break is also my lunch break (yes, 9 - 5 straight classes with only an hour break, tuesday is an evil day), it makes sense that i'm currently eating illegally. And drinking coffee illegally, but i'm not hiding that in my lap. Yep, that's right, i'm a real rebel, drinking my coffee out in the open!! Unless i happen to spit it out, it wont end up on the keyboard, so i think they're being a little over dramatic. Who would want to sit like a loner outside when they can sit on a computer and be connected with the entire world?!

Ok, i'm three and a half hours through my stupidly long day (and about a third of the way through my delicious muffin). Which means that i have four and a half hours to go, so i'm not even half way. How depressing. I may need to spend another $3.50 to get another coffee before i spend two hours boring the pants off myself in a civil litigation workshop for which i have prepared nothing... Maybe the sensible thing to do would be to prepare now? But that's far too difficult, so i'm just going to do some blog-visiting instead. Two long classes to go until freedom! And today, freedom will mean coffee/dinner with Loz, perhaps a visit to the North Tce lights (ohhh, shiny!) and seeing Boyfriend. So freedom will rock. Bring on 5pm!!

Just My Luck

2010-03-15T21:04:00.002+10:30

I'd just like to prove to the world exactly how bad my luck is.

For my international criminal justice class every week, we have to read a bunch of articles. We've been put into groups of nine, and have to discuss the articles in 15 minutes, and come to a conclusion. Randomly, one of the group will be selected and have to give a five minute presentation on the subject in front of the group. This five minute, unprepared oral is worth 20% of our grade.

This week, being week 3, i read the week 3 readings (quickly). However, today i discovered that today's class would be covering the week 2 readings, because last week was a public holiday week. Sensible.

Therefore, i was unprepared. But i had a 9 to 1 chance of getting chosen, and i figured they weren't bad odds. Also, i can usually think quickly on my feet, so fingers crossed...

...later that evening, we found out who was the speaker for each group. I wasn't called out. But before i even had time to breathe a sigh of relief, the teacher figured out that the original speaker hadn't turned up. And she announced that i was the back-up. Shit.

Despite a reasonable grasp of the topic, and some notes on what i was going to say, i did an awful job. My words stumbled over one another, my voice was unsure. My points would have been good if only i had been able to make them. It sucked.

I came home feeling like crap. This was something i should've been able to do, and do well. I wanted a good mark for once, for something i was legitimately good at. But no, i had to screw it up. And if it had been any other week, i would've been fine.

I have NO good luck. I suck.

Guilt

2010-03-13T16:51:00.002+10:30

I had a 21st this afternoon, and i didn't go. In itself, that's not such a big deal. However, the girl whose birthday it was was one of my best friends when i was in school. Since we graduated, granted, she's not exactly been the most steadfast friend... but still, there's an allegiance there. I was working 12-4pm today, and the party ended at 6pm, so i was always going to be late, but by the time i got home i was tired and the thought of getting dressed up, socialising and trying to believe that people weren't looking at me and thinking that i was fat - it all just seemed way too hard and unenjoyable.

Obviously, this means that i'm a terrible friend and a bad person in general. I'm suffering guilt. But i'm still tired, and have piles of work to do, so i think i did the right thing. I'm definitely not as miserable as i would have been if i'd gone to the party and come home feeling like an elephant.

I don't know, in the frame of mind that i'm in at the moment, most all socialising seems too hard. The exceptions to this are Boyfriend, Loz (she's like a sister, life is pretty easy with her) and some casual, no pressure church gatherings, with Zaz and Joshie. Joshie and i always get along well, and for the most part (unless we're discussing work) Zaz and i do too. Other than that, i don't really like people at the moment...

It's 21st season, so my inability to socialise is doing me no favours. I wonder if people notice my absence? I promise i'll try harder to go to the next one...

2010-03-10T14:56:00.002+10:30

I'm having one of those days where i just can't do anything. I have so much work to do. I'm not doing anything else. I'm not reading or playing farmville or anything like that. I have nothing else to do. I want to study, i want to have finished my work so that i can properly relax. I want to sleep. I just wish that i could make myself do it. I'm sick of feeling sad and like i'm trying to walk through quick-dry glue all the time.

9 Deadly Words Used By A Woman...

2010-03-09T23:21:00.001+10:30

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This
will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

2010-03-09T23:15:00.002+10:30

ARGH, i'm so angry with myself. Season three of Bones has a running storyline about a cannibal. As i got to the last episode of the season, i was on wikipedia to see if i could figure out who one of the actors was. Of course, because i am an idiot, who infuriates myself, i read the synopsis of the finale. And now i have ruined it for myself. It was a huge twist and i never ever ever ever ever would have seen it coming. I have no idea how i manage to ruin everything for myself. I also have no idea why this is driving me so nuts, i shouldn't care. I hate myself.

2010-03-09T13:33:00.003+10:30

I think it's important for me to tell you about the tutor that i had today.

He was an older man. White beard, twinkly eyes, friendly smile. I'll be honest. He looked like Santa. He was really nice and grandfatherly... i wonder if he'll disappear on Christmas eve?

This definitely made for the best tute in awhile. It helped that i understood what was being talked about this time!!

My Drug

2010-03-09T12:57:00.002+10:30

My drug of choice is of the literary kind.

Much like zaz's addiction to cooking, books are what makes me happy. I love to read, pretty much anything (although i have to be in the right mood for different genres). Buying them is also lovely. Because it creates the promise of another world that i can escape into. My room is full of books, some that i've read dozens of times, others that i've not yet opened. Classics, mysteries, horse books, chick-lit, fantasy, biographies... everything, anything.

Reading makes me relax, and zone out. I love curling up with a book, especially when it's raining and cold outside, and i can snuggle up warm! Stupid uni takes time away from reading. Naturally, assigned readings for uni don't count as enjoyable reading material. They just take time away from more interesting books.

I want to go home and read!

2010-03-09T10:34:00.002+10:30

I had big plans for the Adelaide Cup long weekend. These mainly involved sleeping, cleaning my room, reading and getting up to date with all of my study. Instead, i predominately worked all weekend. I worked thursday night at Drake's, all friday at church, saturday afternoon at Drake's, saturday night at church, sunday i had a 21st, sunday night i had church, monday i worked all day... needless to say, didn't get much done.

I always get a weird sinking feeling in my tummy when i have work undone. Readings, and lecture notes, and tute prep... it's only week 2! i haven't even started thinking about my assignments.

And my room is so messy. I believe in the saying that a messy desk equals a messy mind. Even though i study on my bed and not my desk, i don't like the mess at all. It distracts me. So the pile of hats and bags under my desk, waiting for me to clean out one of my cupboards so as to find space for them, is driving me nuts. As are the copious piles of books scattering the room, which need homes and i don't know where to put them. i'll have to store some of them in the roof, which always makes me sad.

The giant pile of books i bought from Koorong (hi, i'm annabel, and i have a book addiction) are still in their plastic bag, because i'm not sure where to put them - and i still have to find time to read them all!!

I have to finish my journal from when i was overseas (because i suck, and still haven't done so), pin all of my badges onto a denim bag i found (i'm not sure if the bag looks better with or without them, so this could be a mistake) and read the magazines i have stacked next to my bed (i really should stop buying them until i've read the ones i already have...).

So much to do, so little time. Clearly that's why i'm blogging in my uni break, instead of studying. And why i'm going to visit boyfriend and try to study there during my three hour break, instead of staying here (saving myself the drive home and back) and possibly being more sucecssful in study.

Oh well!

2010-03-04T13:38:00.002+10:30

I don't know exactly how much i like my job.

Well, i know exactly how much i like working at the deli. Not at all. It's boring, it isn't stimulating, my boss is a cow and i hate it. I was not built to do a stupid job like this. I'm achieving nothing. I don't have regular shifts and i'm constantly getting called about shift changes or people who need their shifts covered. I had a 4-8pm shift tonight. My boss asked if i could come in at 3.40. I said fine, but she then texted back and asked if i could come at 3.30pm. How stupid! I am already dreading it. I have one hour and forty-five minutes until i have to endure the torture.

As for my other job, at the moment is seems to be causing me far more stress than pleasure. It's a constant struggle to keep everyone happy. I'm not making any progress and feel like i'm running fast but only standing still. The people i work with are nice people, but working with them is becoming so difficult that i can't stand it. The thought of going into work tomorrow is depressing me. I have so much to do, but the very idea just makes me shut down.

I have piles of study to do already, and a missed class to catch up on. And my room is a literal garbage pit at the moment, because i have so much that i need to do in there. I hate it. But i have hardly had a moment to myself in the last week, and when i do, cleaning isn't my number one priority. Now i'm working tonight, tomorrow, saturday and monday. Sunday i have to go to a 21st that i don't want to go to. My 5-day weekend is a total write off.

2010-03-02T13:49:00.002+10:30

Day two of uni. My spirit is already in the process of being crushed.

Yesterday, i had five hours of mind numbingly dull classes. Well, that's a slight exaggeration. My first class wasn't that dull, but the elderly teacher had the kind of voice that lulls you to sleep. Which was a problem, seeing as i'd have enough trouble just staying awake while driving the car up to flinders. The second class started off interesting enough, but when we headed into the second hour things got a little stupid. You see, the woman teaching seemed to think we were idiots. Therefore, it took her two hours to explain to us that we would be getting into groups, discussing articles, preparing a short presentation and then one of us would have to present. Two hours of a 'mock conversation'. At 6pm at night. It was incredibly boring.

Today, i followed it up by getting lost on my way to class and tripping up the same set of stairs twice. Big trips, in full view of many people. Embarassing. And i got to class late. I'm now on a five hour break, before i head back for another two hours. I'm already sick of uni and i haven't even got on top of my workload yet.

Uni sucks. Fingers crossed things get more enjoyable soon!

'Alias'

2010-02-26T19:44:00.002+10:30

*SPOILER ALERT*...

I just watched the final episode of Alias. It was horrible. Well, when i say horrible, i mean good. The episode itself was a good conclusion. It wrapped up the loose ends, and did one of those nice 'where-are-they-now' things at the end, showing Sydney, Vaughn and their little family in their new reclusive home on the beach.

However, after five seasons, i was a little emotional at the end. Who am i kidding, i'm attached to characters after an hour and a half in a movie. After five seasons, i was inconsolable with the fate that some of them suffered.

Jack Bristow is (was?) one of my favourite characters. Even though he comes across as brusque, and at times very harsh, his motive is always the wellbeing of his daughter. Underneath that harsh exterior is a big old softie. Unfortunately, that hidden interior, that loyal, honourable, protective side led to his death.

When Jack was shot, i was in floods of tears. But there was a little chance that he's be ok, so i pulled it together... until he faced the bad guy and blew him up... along with himself, so as to save the world from further ills. Explosives removed that last shred of hope. Jack Bristow wasn't coming back.

It's hard to describe exactly how hard the death of this fictional character hit me. I think it's safe to say that i get too invested in the lives of the make-believe.

The misery of his death, however, was somewhat abated by the happy ending for Sydney and Vaughn, and their two little children. But still. It was all very emotional.

I'm a huge Jennifer Garner fan. She seems to down to earth, and is a good mum and wife, as well as making great films. She's always so innocent, and charming. I can't really see her playing the bad girl, with no morals. She's always so lovely!! She definitely made Alias a success. And Michael Vartan, well, he's just a dreamboat, he's so gorgeous!! Definitely my type. It always pleased me that his real name and the name of his character were almost the same (Michael Vartan/Michael Vaughn). He nearly died about three times, but kept miraculously being alive. It was very stressful to think he was dead, so i'm glad he ended up living until the end!!!

I'm sad to see the back of the show... i'm not only going to have to find something else to watch, but i'm going to miss Jack, Sydney and Vaughn.

I really need to stop getting attached to television characters.

Hard Times Ahead

2010-02-23T20:33:00.004+10:30

I'm not doing so well at the moment. Everything is a struggle. I have a list a mile long of crucial things to be done, preferably before i go back to uni next week. However, actually achieving these tasks seems insurmountable. Getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle. Managing to do anything more than be awake once i do get out of bed is even harder. I attend meetings. I attend appointments. That is about all. I can't catch up with friends, i can't do my work properly, i am behind. I have to buy a new phone, make to important doctors appointments, figure out whether i'm going to return to bachata, buy my unibooks and supplies, organise the file transfer from my old computer to my new one and sort my photos from my trip out. I also have to plan my 21st, which is coming up quickly. I have to open two new bank accounts, close my old ones, and let all my places of employment know my changes of detail. I also need to clean my car to within an inch of its life. It's gross. And in six weeks i'm running a program for 55+ kids, where if anything goes wrong i will be responsible in large part. Not to mention the fact that i'm planning a fundraiser event (a huge one) for later in this year that absolutely has to be a smashing success. At the moment i don't even have the energy to read or surf the internet. I have no idea how i'm going to manage. Boyfriend is struggling to deal with me and everything is falling apart. I want to get better, but i have no idea how and i just want to bury my head in the sand. Life sucks sometimes.

Me Likey Shiny Things

2010-02-23T20:29:00.003+10:30

Today, i spent the day with mum, sorting out my new computer. My old one is riddled with viruses and is hopeless. Finally, mum and dad have agreed that i'm not making it up, and it actually does suck. Lucky me, i'm the proud new owner of a Macbook Pro. It's shiny and pretty and i love it. Yay!!! I've spent the afternoon organising it and doing all of those things that are necessary when you get a new computer. I've not got far yet... i still have to transfer music and files and all sorts. But i've had lots of fun playing on it in the meantime!! I'm ever so slightly in love with it. Fingers crossed that it lasts indefinitely and i can stop having computer dramas!! The big switch to Mac is a scary one. The adjustment is big. Especially seeing as i don't like change. I really hope Mac (as he has been dubbed) and i live happily ever after!!

2010-02-19T13:27:00.003+10:30

Yesterday, i was having a really bad day. I was barely functioning, i could hardly talk to Boyfriend. We were at the office together, and he sent me this lovely email...

Reasons Why I Love You...

you make me feel special
you're kind to everyone no matter what
you give the best hugs and cuddles
you took me to Goolwa for the best holiday i have ever had
you dont care about my eating habits
you are always around to cheer me up
you always text me back
your smile could make any day brighter
you love animals
you bought be wonderful christmas presents and i love them!
you care about me
you want to come to England just to make me happy
you go out of your way often just to make me happy
your voice makes me go all fuzzy inside
you never fail to surprise me with your love for me

i dont deserve someone like you baby, im so glad you let me kiss you and didnt give up on me when i was all dicky for four months.

you mean the world to me and i will cherish you for as long as you let me, i cant wait to see where this relationship takes us and it kills me to see you down in the dumps, please ask me to do stuff for you, if i can make you half as happy as you have made me it will be a miracle because you have changed my life. i was miserable and family sick until you came along. now i would rather stay here in Australia with you than anywhere else

thank you for loving me
love you lots
XXXXXX

How lucky am i to have a boy like this? Who can make me smile when i don't think i can.

Dusgust

2010-02-19T13:21:00.002+10:30

This post is password protected, because not everyone in cyberspace needs to know about every little innermost thought that i may have! That said, if curiosity is driving you crazy, comment and i can email you permission.

2010-02-17T20:34:00.002+10:30

I'm useless at the moment, i have so many thoughts that make me think 'oh, i must blog about that', and yet i never get to the computer in time. This isn't helped by the fact that our computer totally sucks and i can never get onto sites that i want to. I'm sure once i get back to uni i'll be so keen to waste time that my blog will become a first port of call when i turn my computer on. But, until then, i'm just struggling to stay awake for more than eight hours a day. I've been back half a day, and am already stressed about work and life in general. Life is really stupid sometimes!

Getaway

2010-02-17T20:06:00.002+10:30

I just hot home from a three day holiday with the lovely Boyfriend. While i was in Europe, he booked a little place in Goolwa for us to escape the rest of the world for awhile. The place was on the beachfront, with just a dune before the sand. It was an old, converted church. Tiny but cozy. The downstairs was open plan, with a big living room, a dining table, kitchen and the bathroom (which had a jacuzzi, which was cool). Stairs led up to a loft that had the big double bed and the balcony that looked over the beach. I loved it. Ok, so it was badly lit, and the bed sqeaked more than a colony of mice, but that didn't bother us.

We got there monday night, after we went shopping for supplies (yum, food). I took the boy to the Ned's shop in victor (the country equivalent to cheap as chips) and Target Country (because the concept confused the boy, he'd never been to one). When we arrived at our place and settled in, we enjoyed the view until it was time to get dinner, which we brought home and ate while we watched the extended version of Friends - awesome.

Somehow we managed to spend all of tuesday doing not much. We slept in, read in bed (boyfriend made me a toastie in bed for brekkie, because he's so lovely), had lunch at the bakery, shopped for matches and candles to fulfill the romantic quota and come back for a nap. It was late by the time we went for tea, and we ate it infront of The Cave - a fairly crappy scary movie about people trapped in a cave. Not worth watching, i must say. Even if it did have Piper Perabo in it, whom i like.

It took us three hours to clean up this morning, and over an hour to get back into Adelaide. We were racing, as boyfriend had to be at work... but, once i dropped him off and went home, i got a call saying his shift had been changed and i had to go back and get him. Grr. We raced all day for nothing! Never mind.

Our holiday was so much fun, we hated having to leave! If it had been up to us (and our wallets were bottomless) we would've stayed much longer. It was so nice just to relax togehter, we literally had nothing to do but hang out. I can't wait to go back. Hopefully, we will soon!

2010-02-10T15:54:00.001+10:30

It. Is. So. Hot.

It's 37 degrees today, and i'm dying. Melting in fact. I've been used to snow and chill and cold and jackets!! Instead, i've now got sweltering heat.

Blargh. Kill me now. I was never built for hot weather!!

Home, Sweet Home

2010-02-08T20:47:00.003+10:30

I'm finally back home - and super jetlagged!! I'm sleeping all the time. It's icky. But it's so nice to be home! My own bed (with a new doona - thanks mum!), my own things, my books, my people... yay!! My trip was fantastic, i met some great people and saw some amazing things. But, at the same time, so much went wrong that it was somewhat stressful. Overall, it's just nice to be home!

I've got so much to do, to get sorted and back into the swing of things. Organising uni, doctors appointments, cleaning out my cupboards, seeing people, printing photos, blah blah blah. And i just reorganised my farmville, which took awhile... haha, i clearly know how to prioritise.

Anyway, i have many things to say, so i'll be back soon!

En France!!

2010-01-31T23:16:00.002+10:30

I had one day in Paris, where i met a lovely canadian boy named Patrick who thinks i'm awesome (i won't correct him), saw notre dame, shopped a little, saw les pyramides all lit up at the louvre and watched the eiffel tour twinkle in the distance. when i ventured to the train station to try and change my train time so that i'd have more time in paris (seeing as i was abandoned by the person i was meant to stay with in grenoble) - but, when i got to the station, they kicked me out because some tool had left his bag unattended and they decided it was a bomb, so a bunch of men in guns turned up... needless to say i couldnt change my train.

i am now in grenoble, staying in a somewhat creepy hotel - but at least ti's close to the train station, ny shoulders are so sore from carrying my crap around that i can barely move!! damn my unhealthy obsession with buying interesting books...

everything is shut here today, as it is sunday and europe doesn't do well on a sunday. tomorrow i plan to spend the last of my money. nobody here speaks english, which is interesting... and i really should try to find the touristy things to do in the area, but meh! also, the recievers on all the public phones have been sliced... creepy. took me ages to find one that worked so that i could call home and assure mum that i wasn't dead!!

i leave for home on tuesday - home on thursday morning, wooo!!!!!!!! i think i lose half a day so,ewhere, time differences trip me out... cant wait to get home and unpack all of my random new bits and pieces. i hope the boy likes his pressies!! i can't wait to go home!!! and to have welcome-home cocktails on friday with the gang, hehe.

i love europe!!

Paddywagon

2010-01-31T22:11:00.002+10:30

ok, so the tour got great; i made heaps of new friends who i miss so much now that we've all parted ways!! (in advance i excise my bad grammer/spelling because french keyboards are insane...) we saw so many amazing things, and met so many bizzare locals...

in derry we had pot smokers running the hostel, but they were really lovely. in belfast, robyn and i went shopping instead of touring the town hall, because we were sick of old buildings!! some douche stole my phone in galway, but im trying to be positive about it - think how much less my phone bill will be! i bought a proper claddaugh ring that im loving to pieces and the pubs there were awesome. i got to wear my new skirt! we were in cong for australia day and 5 of us partied until 5am - we were hammered and having a blast at an australia day party in a hostel somewhere. i used feminine wiles to steal some guy's whistle and had him eating out of the palm of my hand. i even got to cuddle bryan that night so i didnt have to be lonely up on my top bunk. good times.

jess, robyn and i became regulars at den joe's in killarney where we'd drink cup after cup of coffee/mocca/hot chocolate as we wrote our postcards and our journals (speaking of, im very behind on mine... oopsie), and robyn and i became addicted to the amawingly creamy moccain the belfast starbucks. we also discovered that the cheapest food was soup - or maccacs! here's the low down - in burger king in ireland beats maccas in france; london maccas is better than that of ireland and scotland. keep that in mind when samplinf overseas junk food...

so many cool things were seen, like the blarney castle and the amazingly magical surrounding gardens. i kissed the blarney stone - obviously this post doesn't accurately reflect my newfound eloquence... i saw braveheart for the first time, saw the giants causeway, almost died on a rickety rope bridge and learnt about irish history - geez, its confusing!! things in the north are still so temperamental.

anyway, it was an amazing trip, with great people that i've done a very poor job of telling you about here. those of you who are my facebook friends can see the evidence in the photos to come...

London, Scotland, Ireland...

2010-01-21T09:22:00.002+10:30

i made it to scotland and am freezin my butt off here. Missing the shops and musicals if london already! Id gladly see 'wicked' and 'legally bonde' again. Next time you'll have to come.

Everywhere im seeing happy couples; at the theatre when the guy is just there cos it will make her happy, kissing in covent garden, farewelling at airports and stations, hugging to keep warm, holding hands to stop from slipping on ice... I miss boyfriend.

Apparently scotland shuts at five cos all the cafes were shut. I ended up eating real food (not maccas for once!) in a romantic candlelit italian restaurant on my own. Well, i had my journal, but its not really the same.

I miss talking. I keep calling mum for no real reason. I wonder if she's sick of hearing from me? My phone bill will be huge. I've even been mumbling aloud and singing to myself, just so i can stop talking in my head! Yes, apparently im crazy now.

Im scared about going on my tour tomorrow. What if i dont make friends? What if i have to hike? I have no shoes to hike in the snow, and no puffer. What if my stuff weighs too much? What if the miserable weather makes things suck? I know i worry too much and ill probably be fine, but i have such bad luck and so many things go wrong with me! Im scared :( im such a baby.

...later...

scotland is beautiful, convered in knee dee snow. i expected it to be green, but it most definitely isn't :P today was interesting, i've never spent so much time in the snow. i love the powdery stuff! it;s so cool. with my pink wellies tomorrow i plan to jump in snow drifts :) yes, im 5 on the inside.

we're going to loch ness tomorrow (well, we're practically on the banks in our hostel) and i mgoing to see nessie and prove she exists. she's totally not dead.

i had weird apple cider tonight, and some white rum and pineapple. tasty. i think i'll go to bed now, cos im still not well...

...later...

In Dublin now -kinda dodgy here and the hotel is craaaap but oh well. Tour on Monday, free day tomorrow. Not sure what I'll do yet.

Scotland was pretty cool. The dramatic snowy mountains and lochs were gorgeous. I loved the ceilidh (Scottish dance night) we had, and all the live music we heard was awesome. Way better than in oz. We met a giant hairy coo (cow) called hamish, who was just gorgeous. I love him.

Edinburgh gets all lit up at night and is so pretty. I lobed it. Cobbled streets and huge buildings... Very cool.

The weather isn't quite as cold now. All the snow has melted but now it's rainy. Ugh. Still, my toes aren't numb anymore.

I want to come live in Europe, there's just so much culture here. Everything is so old and full of history.

the tour so far isnt great., most of today was spent on a bus, and the bus was so small seating-wise that i was sooo squshed and numb! uncomfy. we only got off three times, too. tonight was fun though - we made a friend with an irish guy, allan, and a few of the boys on the bus, and they were really nice. they've gone off to the pub, but im curled up by the fire, watching sex and city. its nice. im tired, so i cant be bothered going out.

im hoping the tour will be more fun tomorrow. we're going to some kind of rope bridge, and the giants causeway. then having a night out in belfast. fingers crossed.

More From Barcelona...

2010-01-07T18:16:00.001+10:30

ok, yesterdays flight was cancelled, so im hoping that today´s wont be!!

i really did nothing yesterday, except hang out on the computer, and hang out in my room writing and watching fox. the skies were lovely today, bright blue unlike the gloomishness that we´ve had the past few days, yet i couldn´t bring myself to venture outside for most of the day.

this afternoon i did head out, down la rambla, one of the main streets in barcelona. it´s filled with shops, little newsstands and souvenir stores. i bought crap i didnt need.

there´s a circus in town and a lot of the people involved busk on the streets. i stopped in a crowd of people watching acrobats. they were half decent but then they started coming around asking for money. i said no (i hate it when people put me on the spot asking for money! im much better when they let me give it of my own accord) and he kept bugging me, so i said i didn´t have any, but he still wouldn´t let it drop. eventually, he said he didn´t believe me, and stalked off and everyone was looking at me :( i didnt do anything wrong, it wasn´t like they all gave money!! the guy was all ´you just want to watch for free!´ - well, duh! stupid meanie man. i almost cried. i hate it when people are mean to me. i probably would´ve given them money at the end anyway if they hadnt been mean to me! stupid men.

other than that, la rambla was lovely. there are all these pet stands lining it, with guys selling adorable soft miniature rabbits, pigeons, chickens, squirrels, birds, fish and the coolest miniature hamsters. i want a miniature hamster. they´re only the size of mice and look like small versions of my hamtaro\popcorn dude teddy. i want one!!! i also want a miniature rabbit cos they´re so soft and cuddly. and yesterday we went into a proper pet shop and they had puppies and kittens and i want all of them too. especially the white fluffy persian kitty. he was so friendly. ahhhh, i want all the animals! i nearly bought a toy for barney, but figured you´d get mad at me for wasting my money :p

there were lots of flower shops on la rambla and guess what i saw? there were blue roses!! aqua ones the colour of my bedspread, and dark blue ones like the night sky, pale blue ones and even black ones! it was so so cool. i want blue roses one day. i wonder if they´re grown that way, or whether they are died once they´ve already been grown... it would be cool to have a garden full of blue and white roses. wouldn´t that look cool? with bluebells, and violets, and more roses, and daisys and jasmine and orchids and all sorts of pretty flowers. and a willow tree, cos i always think they´re kind of magical. like where fairies would live. and a creek with a little wooden bridge and a rope swing...

haha, i have a silly imagination, it runs away with me. main point being that i thought the blue flowers were cool.

i was going to write in starbucks for awhile, change of scenery and all that, but it was packed! so i bailed back to the trusty computer. silly downloads still aren´t done!

i am now addicted to ghost whisperer, lie to me, bones, house (ok, i already liked that, but now i like it more), dollhouse and possibly also mental. oh dear, how my downloading will suffer.

i was going to hve chinese for tea (good old comfort food and there´s a place over the road!) but i think the place is closed for christmas... maybe i´ll have to resort to burger king. i suck. but i dont really want to eat at a restaurant alone on christmas! oh well.-

fingers crossed my flight isn´t cancelled!!!!!

Barcelona!

2010-01-06T20:31:00.003+10:30

we just got to our hotel in barcelona... after about 40hrs of traveling. wayyyy too many! knackered now. but, somehow, we were upgraded to premium economy on our way to singapore from melb (7hrs) and on our way to london (13hrs), which meant bigger seats, fancy tvs, awesome food, leg room, blankies... it was way better than regular economy :P i watched 'mao's last dancer' (among other things) and it was nowhere near as good as the book . the new jennifer aniston movie is good though!

we went on a bus tour this morning (freeeeezing cold) and saw a lot of the main attractions. gotta say, spain isn't all that interesting... some of the architecture is pretty cool though, very intricate. gaudi is apparently very famous and designed heaps of stuff here. i don't know, it just doesn't seem super cultural. and nobody speaks english! which is interesting.

oh, here's a friends reference - barcelona is at the base of mount tibidabo. sound familiar? :P it's a pretty mountain, but in don't think we'll be headed up it. still. do you know the reference ?

im trying to get mum to do lots of shopping for me while she's here. i think i'll be moderately successful, wooot :P even though i can't afford to have my suitcase weigh anymore... ah well, i'll worry about that later! i got some awesome purple suede ankle boots. im in love.

we wandered in the gothic quarter today, which was just a maze of streets winding all over the place. there were some cool shops, and some big cathedrals and stuff... nothing too exciting though. i just don't feel the magic here. i like magic. there's magic in paris. and london. the gothic quarter is just a section of spain that´s made up of old, gothic-style buildings. its pretty cool, there´s lots of intricacy and gargoyles and cathedrals and stuff.

i kind of don't want to leave my family, cos then i'll be all on my own and will miss boyfriend so much more :( being on my own is scary sometimes, especially when i get so anxious and can't breathe. normally that's when i have you! but im going to be on my own :(

...the coat mum gave me has a fur hood on it, and when i put it on and huddle against the cold, i look like chandler when he's in monica's coat on the roof cos he's feeling chilly...

yesterday we went to a gaudi museum - he´s this weird old architect who designed some reallly weird buildings here. still, the detail and colour on them is cool, so it wasnt too boring. i´ll show you pictures when i get back. we also went to an amazing cathedral, which has been started 100 years ago and still wasnt completed. they´re aiming to finish it in 2030 ;p. it was amazingly detailed and quite breathtaking. the stainglass windows were radient and the patterns carved into every inch of the walls were fantastic. poor daddy was looking forward to seeing it, but by the time we got there he was exhausted and couldn´t walk anymore so he had to wait outside :( but he forced us to go in, and i´m glad he did!

last night was christmas eve here and the streets were blocked off for their christmas pagent. it was cool but the adelaide one is 100 times better, woo!! now everything is closed today (which doesnt help when you´re trying to contact the airline!! stupid flight to london being cancelled!).

we had tapas for tea, which is a whole lot of plates of tiny portions of different foods. i liked it, but im fairly sure you wouldn´t´ve eaten much... the dessert was pure chocolate, so i was happy!

mum took me shopping again, so i´m nicely decked out now. being with mum is much better than shopping alone cos she has the credit cards! she even got me a bead for my pandora. woo!

spain is boring, so im pretty sure i´ll end up spending the day at the hotel, watching fox and indulging in illegal downloads, hehe. best part about the hotel. mum and dad left this morning and i´m stuck here until i can get a flight into Heathrow, which is currently snowed in! grr...

i´m sure london will make me much cheerier (fingers crossed...).

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-28T18:04:00.002+10:30

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a lovely day and got very spoilt.

Boyfriend and i had lunch with the family (geez, he's brave), which wasn't as bad as usual seeing as most of the family wasn't there and that eliminate the likelihood for huge fights. Even so, boyfriend was bored and we went back to his place later in the afternoon. It was like a breath of fresh air - his family is so great! We joined in on the tail end of their family lunch and festivities. It was so much more fun. Plus, we got cheesecake.

In the evening we played an awesome boardgame - it is now my favourite and i want it :P It's called Articulate! and it is the best. Full stop. You get into two teams, and, in a similar fashion to Trivial Pursuit, work your way around the board, according to different coloured questions. But instead of just a question and answer, you get given a word and have to make your teammates guess what is is without using the word (example: you could describe the word 'conquering' by saying 'Napolean does this, it happens in wars, violent...). However many words your team gets in one minute is the number of squares you advance. Does that make sense? I love words, so this was the game for me. Plus, playing it with Boyfriend's family was hilarious.

Boxing day was more of the same, as i came back to Boyfriend's for lunch with his family. Mmm, more turkey! And more Articulate! We played long into the night, because we played boys against girls and the girls kept winning, which the boys were determined to rectify. I haven't laughed like that in a looooong time.

At home, my stupid internet isn't working, so i can't blog much. Also, i leave for europe on friday, which means i have a million things to do... i'm fairly stressed about leaving (i don't feel organised, my accomodation just fell through, i don't want to leave boyfriend, and i'm worried i'm going to be very lonely...). But i'll make sure to keep you updated during my travels.

Enjoy New Year's Eve if i don't talk to you all before then!

Survived!

2009-12-20T10:12:00.002+10:30

Kids Club is over for another term. I survived!! It was the biggest Kids Club that we've ever had - i think we had about 85 kids overall throughout the week, and about 60 every day. The amount of kids and the lack of leaders lead to some pretty intense chaos, especially earlier in the week. By thursday, things had settled down and we were less run off our feet. The kids were great and most of the leaders were, too (not all - there were some who caused me more grief than any of the kids).

Friday we went to St. Kilda adventure playground, which was awesome. We've not been there in a number of years, due to the fact that it's a very open playground and we worry about safety. However, everything went smoothly and the kids loved it! The only thing wrong was that we weren't there long enough!!

Even though the week went well, i'm now beyond exhausted. It was probably worth it, but it's always so draining. Apparently i did a good job though, so i'm happy enough.Thank goodness it's only for a week!! Now, i'm off to relax some more... I'm too tired to move!!!

Kids Club Week... Enough Said.

2009-12-14T20:46:00.002+10:30

Although the phrase 'Kids Club Week' undoubtedly sums up the day, i figured i'd elaborate slightly. We had 54 kids today (our smallest day this week...) and not a huge amount of leaders. First thing in the morning, one of the little ones got his head stuck in a tube and was running blindly around until he hit the bin. It was very amusing/slightly worrying that he'd pulled it down until it got stuck... But the day didn't get better from there.

We went to Citibeach in the afternoon for some beach volleyball. Unfortunately, the sand was too hot for the kids to stand and play on, which was ridiculous. We ended up mainly sitting in the shady edges making pathetic sandcastles out of the dry sand. Bor-ing. However, Dr.B maintained that if we'd been more enthusiastic we'd have been fine, and that we were bad leaders. I personally believe that we could have done more, but also that it was not entirely unreasonable of us to sit around with the kids considering that i couldn't even walk on the sand... plus, i am much better at the admin side, than the running around playing volleyball side. Couldn't defend myself, of course, as it would've looked like i was making excuses, which i'm not totally sure that i am. Gah, it was frustrating. I hate being told off, especially when i'm in charge! There were other people being more useless than me!! I may not be being entirely reasonable here, but at the moment i'm lucky to be even getting out of bed, so i feel that i am entiteled to a little whinge...?

Hopefully tomorrow will be much better and i'll have gingerbread and cool crafts to show for my troubles. Especially gingerbread. Because food, though it makes me fat, also makes me happy. An unfortunate irony.

I'm at boyfriends now, and i really just want to go home and eat chocolate. Pathetic, but true. I think i'll leave soon and go read in bed with junk food. I'll be as fat as a house soon, but at least i'll have eaten my feelings into oblivion...

2009-12-10T10:59:00.002+10:30

Tales about my Fijian proposal can wait until i'm not crazy busy with kids club, seeing doctors, replacing my crappy electronics, more kids club, wrapping chrissy pressies... since i got back from Fiji i've had a constant headache and feel sick and tired. Nothing new for me i suppose. Add that to some morons at the bank this morning who were adamant that they had no record of my account and was i sure that i was in the right bank? And the people at work who are too immature to accept responsibility and decide to blame me instead. Really great guys, thanks.

Oh, and i got my uni results back. I passed everthing, but not well. Perfect timing to remind me of what a failiure i am.

This week is totally sucking. Life sucks.

Whatever, I'm On FIJI Time

2009-12-07T19:42:00.003+10:30

Last sunday morning, at a ridiculous time of morning, i left for Fiji. Bri's mum picked us up at 6.20am and took us to the airport. Our five hour flight was made a lot more comfortable by the fact that there were hardly any people on board, so we got an entire row each to sleep on. When we arrived, we took a taxi to our hotel on the Coral Coast, the Bedarra. When we arrived, we were pretty knackered. But we were greeted with glasses of delicious chilled tropical juice, which was a plus. We went for a walk up and down the street to check out the other hotels and little roadside restaurants and cafes before having dinner. Dinner was delicious! I had possibly the best chicken burger ever.

On Monday, we slept in late before getting up to explore. We had eggs and bacon for brekkie (yum - Fiji food is so cheap!). We spent monday afternoon by the pool, sunning and swimming. Unfortunately, while it seemed like a good idea at the time to sweat it out in the heat, we ended up burnt. I'd forgotten to sunscreen my tummy. I was so burnt, it was super painful. Bri wasn't much better, she was burnt in patches. Ouchie. We're idiots. Dinner was equally delicious but far more painful.

Tuesday, we met a funny little man at the bar who said that he'd been travelling between Greece, Fiji, New Zealand and Australia since he left the Navy many years ago. He seemed to be very rich, and had yachts and a lush lifestyle. He told us all the tricks about the area. So we used one of his tricks to avoid the hotel taxis and walk down the street until someone stopped for us and offered us a $1 taxi ride into town. Saved us a good $10, so we were happy. In town, there were lots of dirty streets and shops but the people were so friendly that you didn't even notice. There was a market and a handicraft store that were our main shopping destinations. I bought plenty of crap that i probably didn't need. Souvenirs, little wooden figurines, perfume... and aloe vera for our burn! We skipped sitting by the pool and went for a walk along the beachfront instead. Dinner was at the little pizza place down the road, at the Casablanca, and was delish.

The day on the whole was rather stressful. You see, i'd been having a crappy run of luck so far. First, my suitcase was overweight, leading Bri to be pissed off at me for having lots of crap. Although i'm still not sure what was in my case that was too heavy. Then, my phone had failed to work. I'd turned international roaming on in a past trip and it should still have been working... but it wasn't. Finally, my bank cards weren't working and i couldn't get any money out. This was mae far more stressful by the fact that Bri didn't want me using her phone credit to call mum, nor did she want me borrowing any money from her until i could sort mine out. This made it very, very hard for awhile. Eventually, after some major stress, i got money out. Bri wasn't impressed with the whole situation and i was not a happy chappy. But it finally got sorted.

On Wednesday, we went on a tour. There were plenty to chose from - waterfall tours, village tours, island cruises. A few looked fantastic. However, Bri didn't want to spend much money and only wanted to do one... (from the tone of this post, you may realise that there was some friction between us at times). Eventually, we decided on the Robinson Crusoe Island tour. Early in the morning, we caught a bus to a dock, and then a boat out to the island. The island was pristine and white in a way that the mainland never is. Beautiful sandy beaches, palm trees, blue skies... We spent the morning snorkelling on the reed. We saw a Nemo fish!! And i saw a lobster. Lunch was traditional and delicious, followed by a walk through the islands forrest to see all the different trees and how they're used medicinally, which was cool. Afterwards, we went to see a 'turtle'. We were quite excited to see the large shell partially buried in the sand... and less impressed when it was a human who jumped out from underneath. Rip off. Next was a crab race. My crab was number 56. When tipped out of the bucket, the crabs fled for freedom. Mine was definitely not the first to cross the finish line, so i didn't get to win a shell necklace. I did, however, get forced to participate in a ridiculous dance involving a conga line, butt wiggling and general embarassment.

Happy hour saw us curling up in the awesome hammocks that they had there. They were called 'Chair in the Air's' and were super comfy! We sipped cocktails and relaxed in the sun until dinner festivities. Dinner was pulled out of the hot coals (lovo) and then firewalkers made more use of the hot coals. Dinner was delicious and we stuffed ourselves full of roast beef, native veggies, and delicious tropical fruit. After dinner came the show; hula girls, traditional dances (fijian, samoan, etc), fire dancing... it was all very impressive and we had lots of fun watching all of the island staff in their costumes. The boat ride back was long and we were happy to get back to the hotel at last and crash into bed!!

Thursday saw us head back into Sigatoka (sing-a-toe-ka), the nearest town. We did some more shopping and then had coffee at the Fiji Markets. The iced coffee there was divine!! We were practically drooling. While we sat there, the store was fairly quiet. So, the employees picked up their guitars and bongos and serenaded us for awhile. They sang some Jason Miraz, some ancient classics and all sorts. It was awesome!!! They loved us. We went to another little shop and got braids put in our hair with beads on the end, and henna tattoos up our arms. I love getting things like that when i'm on holiday. It's part of the culture. So that was very exciting! The woman who did our hair had pictures up in her shop of when Britney Spears had come to visit her and get massages! It was quite cool, we were in the ex-presence of famous people... In the afternoon we smeared ourselves with coconut oil and sunscreen and lay by the pool for some sun. It's possible that we then did even more shopping, buying pretty dresses and cheap pandora beads (woot for the exchange rate!!). Ugh, money burns a hole in my pocket!

On Friday we went up the road to the Outrigger Hotel. The Outrigger was crazy fancy. Enormous lagoon pool, countless restaurants and bars, lush grounds and even their very own shops! The handicraft store in town, the chemist and another little store all had outlets at the resort. We did a little more shopping!! The rest of the day was spent by the pool. At some point one of the staff cut us down a fresh coconut and we drank all the juice and ate the flesh. It was yum! The man hit on Bri when he found out i was taken and she was rill single. Apparently, Fiji boys are the way to go. Bri managed to get pretty burnt again, oops. For dinner, seeing as it was our last night, we splurged. We had a traditional fish dish for our entree (Bri didn't finish hers, so i got it) and then hamburgers, yummy!!! The fries were delish - we decided it was the Fijian novo potatoes that made them so good. We went for a walk after tea before dessert, because we were pretty stuffed! Half way down the road we ran into the bongo drum boy from the markets the other day! He ended up walking with us the entire time, keeping us company and chatting. We took photos and had a laugh... and convinded him that we rode kangaroos to school in australia!! It was fun running into him. We came back for dessert and had bananas in lolo (coconut milk), which was also super yum. We figured we should have some good Fijian food on our last night!!

We got up fairly early on saturday, as we had to be out of our room by eleven. With nothing else to do, we went into Singatoka and had some more coffee at our favourite shop. Our little drummer boy gave us free shell necklaces (woo!!!) and everyone gave us hugs goodbye. We were clearly very loved. It was lots of fun! We headed back to the resort to get photos with the lovely staff who knew us by name and were so very friendly, and to write in the guest book. We sunned ourselves by the pool, then had delicious hotel pizza for lunch. The taxi ride was long (over an hour), and the wait in the airport dragged, but finally we were on our way home. Bri was cranky and i was itchy with sunburn, so we weren't super happy buddies!! This plane was stuffed full, so we were squished up on our little chairs. Business class was empty, but we weren't allowed to sit there, which is so stupid! I don't like flying Virgin... no free food or TV - we even have to pay for water!! Six hours later we were home. A very cranky Bri left me with most of the bags and a few snide comments (i'd had enough by now) and we struggled through customs. Bri's lovely mum picked us up and finally we were home!!

The holiday was lovely in that there was just so much sun!! I love the tropicality of the place. Granted, if i'd been alone i'd have done more trips to see more of the awesome things and would've done some things differently, but on the whole everything was good. The food was divine, the people were lovely and the sky was a crazy shade of blue. I definitely want to return to Fiji at some point in the near future. I have islands to explore!! For such a cheap price, i definitely reccoment you pack up and head over there for a week. Despite low costs, our hotel was one of the bext in the area. I love Fiji!!

Tomorrow i'll tell you about the proposal i recived while i was over there, but for now i need sleep. I've got so much to do already and have been crazy busy since i got home!! I'll go to sleep with my head full of beautiful Fijian thoughts.
*saturday trip to town
*sun
*lunch
*flight

Holidaying in Fiji!! Will tell you all about it when I get home :) xxx

2009-11-30T20:32:00.002+10:30

GREEN TEAM Schoolies 09!

2009-11-22T21:04:00.002+10:30

This weekend was the annual Schoolies festival for the year 12s to celebrate the end of their exams. It's held in Victor Harbor and kids from all over Australia turn up. There were thousands of kids there this year. About ten years ago, there was a move to stop the festival, due to the excess of drinking, violence and mishaps. However, the churches of Adelaide came together to create the Green Team.

Nowadays, the Green Team runs the schoolies festival. Approximately 400 volunteers were there this year, doing all manner of jobs. There are team members at all of the campsites to watch over the kids and organise activities or sausage sizzles, people running roadblocks to stop traffic from getting into the centre of town, tents for dancing, gaming, food, resting, buildng sandcastles, activities, toilet duty, manning games... there were an abundance of St John's First Aid-ers, firemen, and policemen (i swear, half of the state's force must have been there!!) and security guards. Different church teams were assigned to different jobs. Schoolies wouldn't run without the Green Team, literally.

Our job (like last year) was to ride on the buses. The bus system ran between the campsites in Encounter Bay, and then our to Port Elliot, Middleton, Goolwa and occasionally Hindmarsh Island. People on 'bus duty' ride the buses and are often the first contact that kids have with a Greenie. We keep the kids calm (or try to!) and stop them running riot, deal with kids who've had too much to drink, and try to chat to kids and tell them what we're about.

Bus duty starts at around 7.30pm and runs until around 3.30am. This means that we really don't get an awful lot of sleep! So, during the day, things are pretty chilled. This year we had a team of about ten (some coming and going) and we spent most of the day hanging out and chatting. On saturday afternoon we had 'community time', which was spent hanging out with other Greenies and checking out the festival. We also went shopping for fluro shoelaces, an abundance of glow sticks and stickers - so that we could be the most awesome Greenies!

On Friday night, i was in a team with Hel and LittleM. We were off to a somewhat rocky start, because we had a little argument with LittleM. Oopsie. So everyone was a tad prickly to start with. But once we got over that, all was well. Most of our runs had pretty subdued kids, or kids who were already in their own groups do didn't want to talk. I had an armful of glowsticks to keep me company, but sometimes it got a little boring. We went back and forth between encounter bay and goolwa all night, swapping buses after every run. Thankfully, i didn't have to deal wtih any vomiters - but poor Hel did (luckily she got to them in time). I didn't see boyfriend though, which sucked. Thinking back, i can hardly remember anything that happened, which i'm assuming is a product of the sleep loss. But i do remember having a few good chats with some kids, helping some girls find their house when they were lost, and generally helping out. We got a break at one point too, which was a highlight - we got warm donuts and free coffee from the Greenies rest tent, yum!! It was totally invigorating and gave us all a second wind. By 3.30am we were pretty knackered. The bus runs were slowing down, so our team patrolled the festival for awhile and kept an eye on the kids who were still hanging around (the festival closes at 3am) while we waited for the rest of our teams to get back. While waiting for the SouthAfrican, we played like four year olds on the playground across from the bus depot. We didn't get home until 4am, and ended up staying up mucking round until 5am, seeing as we all got about our fourth wind... Then we all crashed.

On saturday we were up early because Zaz was first up and was bored alone, so she made lots of noise until other people got up to play with her. Unfortunately, that meant that we were already even more tired that evening when we got to the bus stops. I was on a team with Zaz and another guy from church and we dubbed ourselves 'Team Awesome' after three excellent runs. On the first, Zaz and i made friends with a guy called Jig, who thought that our names were 'hot', which made our night. Woo, we have hot names!! The next two runs were longer ones, from Middleton, that were absolutely packed. The kids were wild (excited, not evil) and the entire journey was spent with Zaz and i trying to keep our balance in the aisles while the kids shouted chants, flashed each other when we couldn't get close enough to stop them, surreptitiously drank and had an absolute ball. We didn't mind the chaos, because they were having fun and weren't up to too much mischief. After our initial awesome runs, we had an empty run too and from Goolwa, so we got sleepy... which is always tricky, because we lose our energy!! We stuck stickers on our face to cheer up, hehe. Shiny things!

Then we met up with boyfriend, so my night got a whole lot better. I'd been feeling pretty down, and sick, but he cheered me up as he always does. He rode the buses with us for the rest of the night, and together we chatted to kids and kept each other awake. Zaz and i got an attack of the giggles at some point, which kept us amused for awhile! By the time we got off our last Goolwa run and had dropped boyfriend off at his stop, it was about 3.30am. The rain had set in and it was cold and we were exhausted. When i got home, i was exhausted and went straight to bed without staying up to chat. I felt like crap. Boyfriend called though, and that was nice - i love talking to him on the phone, he always cheers me up and wants to look after me.

Today we got up early to go to church at Yilki, which was lovely. The small church had a lovely congregation who were thrilled to see us and were grateful for all that we did for schoolies weekend. We had coffee at the Yilki store and lunch at home. When the others went off to clean the buses, i packed up to go home - i still have an exam to study for!! I was sad to leave before the weekend was finished, but really had no other option. It was a fun weekend - i really like Zaz and Bubbles is fun too (another girl from church). Plus, i got to have a good d&m with LittleM, which reminded me that we don't actually hate each other but actually probably care about each other quite a lot. And the SouthAfrican is always a hoot. But by the time i left i was sick and exhausted - i nearly fell asleep at the wheel a dozen times on the way home, and almost crashed at least once, which was kind of scary!! But i made it home in once piece.

This weekend was exhausting, but worth it. Without Greenies, there would be no celebratory Schoolies weekend for the kids and with us being there there's another chance for us to tell kids about the church and why we're not just a bunch of crazies. It's nice being a part of something like that and giving something back to the community. I'm already looking forward to next year - and also am looking forward to wearing my lovely schoolies hoodie!!

'Alias'

2009-11-18T15:28:00.002+10:30

I'm hooked on Alias at the moment. El gave me the entire series, and i'm currently up to season three. It's awesome. Plus it has Michael Vartan, whom i love. But this post isn't about the awesome cute-ness of MV (ironic - Milo Ventimiglia has the same initials. Maybe it's something about cute people?). This post is about Victor Garber.

Victor Garber plays Jack Bristow on Alias. There's something about his character that i've become addicted to. I remember watching a few episodes on television when the progam was initially screening, and i always thought his character was a hardass and a mean guy on the whole. I don't know why, butthis time it's nothing of the sort. Jack Bristow is awesome. Not only is everything that he does that may be considered morally questionable for the good of his daughter (Sydney Bristow/Jennifer Garner), but he's powerful, intelligent, and a spy! I can't put the vibe i get from him into words, but he's the coolest. Don't get me wrong, he's awesome in a dad-type way, not a boyfriend-type way! But he's fantastic. He just knows exactly what to do in every situation! He'd be a great dad.

Not A Good Day

2009-11-17T19:09:00.003+10:30

Today has royally sucked.

This morning was my psychology exam. I had looked through all the notes we had, and had a general knowledge of everything we had been taught. I was hoping that i'd be able to scrape through the essays and that the multiple choice questions wouldn't be too hard. When i got in there i found that i could write two pages of semi-reasonable answers for each of the essays (whether or not that will be enough i don't know...) but the multiple choice questions killed me. When i got home there was a note on the uni discussion board that said the answers to the multiple choice questions had been posted... i got 17 our of 40. The multiple choice questions were worth 30% of my final grade, so that means i got less than 15%... If the luck of the world is with me then maybe i'll scrape a pass in the overall topic. But when is the luck ever with me?

I don't want to fail and i don't want to repeat the topic. Failiure really doesn't sit well with me.

To add to that, i've still got another exam tomorrow, which we all have no idea what it contains. Sure, it's open book, but i'm probably just going to fail that too, because i suck.

Tonight i saw boyfriend for a few minutes before he packed off to Victor for Schoolies. He won't be back for a week and (pathetically) i already miss him. He makes me smile and everything pretty much sucks at the moment, so smiling is a major bonus.

Later...

I just got home from dance. Tonight we did these major dips, where the girls were dipped pretty much in half and scooped backwards. It looked a little something like this. But much less suave, of course...

It was no easy task! Unlike what it may look like, the men don't hold us up - we women have to swing ourselves and hold all of our weight, while completely off-balance. I'm fairly flexible, but i don't trust the guys in our class to keep us steady, so i was super tense... which made me look ridiculous. And it was really sweaty, which was super gross. BUT it was pretty intense, which kept my mind off missing boyfriend and failing at uni. Which was a nice bonus. El and i sang ridiculous songs at the top of our lungs all the way home, causing people in other cars to look at us very strangely, but that was fun too.

I'm so tired now, but i'm meant to keep studying for my exam tomorrow... so sleepy... but i'll do my best. And i have all day tomorrow to keep studying. Gee, life just isn't much fun at the moment! And i know i'm full of doom and gloom... but i'm sure things will brighten up sooner or later!

2009-11-16T16:23:00.002+10:30

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Dying For Freedom!!!

2009-11-15T22:25:00.002+10:30

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning that begins my exam period. Here's what the next two weeks look like...

Monday 16th - Corporate Law Exam 5.45pm
Tuesday 17th - Psychology, Human Development Exam 8.45am
Wednesday 18th - Law & Med Exam 5.45pm

Friday 20th - Sunday 22nd - Schoolies Green Team volunteer

Tuesday 24th - Real Property Law Exam 1.15pm

So far, i've almost finished my corporate law notes. I aim to get those done before bed tonight. Thankfully, it's an open book exam, so i can take everything in with me. Even though i don't know the work all that well, i'm hoping i can get it all together during the exam and write down answers for the problem questions. All i want is a pass... if i finish my notes tonight, then i can put sticky tabs in them and by text books, to help me along. Fingers and toes crossed.

Somehow, i've got to start/finish psychology notes tomorrow. Because the exam is first thing on tuesday morning, i've not got much time to prepare, and ideally need my notes organised before my corporate exam. I've only been to the first six lectures, and have a friend's notes for the last five... but i've not so much as looked at the middle bunch. 30% of my final grade will depend on the 40 multiple choice questions. With any luck, i'll be able to get that. There are always two of the four options that are easily ruled out, but always two that are hard to choose between. In the revision lecture, i guessed about 75% of the questions rightly, which was relieving. But who knows how it will all go... There are also two essays, each worth 5% of my final grade. We were given a list of 10 questions, and four of them will be in the exam. However, i've not even looked at them, so that will be of very little help to me... the quick glance i had was not at all reassuring - they all looked far too hard! I've got to get my notes in some sort of order tomorrow, so i can learn them after i get home from tomorrow's exam. It's not open book, so i have to commit as much to memory as i can. I'm panicking slightly.

I'm not even worrying about Lw and Med until later on tuesday. I've already finished noting all of the lectures/tutes from this semester, so it shouldn't be too hard to have a look through them all before the exam. It's open book, so it should be ok. The teachers says things seem fairly straightforward.

As for real property, i've not even started thinking about it. I know my notes are almost up to date, and i've got days between my exams to finish them off. I'll take my notes to schoolies, and work on them during the week - it should be fine.

So, mainly, the problems lie with corporate law and psychology. And the biggest problem is the fact that they're so close together! If only i had more time...

Add to that the fact that i've been really, really sick this week. Serious head spins, sore throat, blocked nose, wracking cough... not fun. I'm on antibiotics now, but they're seriously taking their toll. I'm exhausted. Today, i had to keep having half hour naps. I wasn't really awake until later this afternoon. I've worked solidy since, but most of the day was a write off! I have to have an early night or else i'll be dead tomorrow and for the exam. Blarrrrgh.

Exam period sucks. I'm dying for the freedom of holidays!!! Wish me luck.

Kind Words

2009-11-14T20:58:00.002+10:30

I have just got off the phone from some bloke whose name I didn't catch who was asking me questions about your good self regarding a customer position with their company.

I caught me somewhat on the hop, but I was very clear and firm and explicit in saying to him that you were an excellent, natural leader AND yet a team player, who would be very good with cutomers -- and not losing your temper, and so on.

He asked what I thought your strongest quality was and I replied, without hesitation, that you were a person of proven integrity; honest and truthful and straight-forward [eg. not some precious princess].

I said that you had been a diligent student AND that you were so friendly to me in that wretched year I spent at that school [I left all that out, of course] explaining that you showed yourself to be somebody who was cheerful, organized and made an effort to ease in a new teacher in a way which was mature and appropriate.

He asked if you could write well? I replied that you were an excellent writer and analyst, sophisticated beyond your years. That you scored an 'A' for History. That you spoke with great clarity as well.

I said that if you were suddenly asked to do a written task, you would not grumble or panic, but simply get on with it. A can-do person who would be an asset for any enterprize that took you on. I can't recommend her highly enough, and so forth.

He seemed suitably pleased.

All the best at actually getting the job, whatever it is?

Hope all that helped!

It was easy to speak positively about you because a] it's all true, and b] I do admire your character and capacities for success.

I applied for a job on wednesday, and got an interview the same day. The above email was sent to me by one of my referees. This man was a teacher at my high school in year 12, he taught me history. We got along really well, and LozK and i still catch up with him every few months for lunch to chat about everything. He's a real character. When i read this email, i was so pleased. Everything is a bit of a struggle at the moment. So to read this and see that someone us unequivocally behind me, supporting me and thinking that i'm capable of anything, means so much.

It really brightened up my week.

Also, i got the job. It's not an ideal job. I'll be working at a petrol station. I applied because i'd already applied to so many places and had no luck. I needed the job, and didn't think i'd get it. But i did. The man who interviewed me was very impressed and hired me the next day. Apparently i'd interviewed very well and was the best for the job.

I should've been happy to hear this. But Boyfriend also applied for the job - so my getting it meant that he didn't. I eventually rang the guy and asked if Boyfriend has been the next choice for the job, but he hadn't been, so that was one thing. Mum wasn't pleased with the job choice, and, ideally, i wouldn't have chosen it myself. I'd love to work in a bookstore, or in a job where shifts are shorter. Instead, i'll be working eight hour shifts, probably from 7am-3pm (otherwise 3pm-11pm or 11pm-7am...). I'll have to get up very early, and i have no idea how i'll fit it in with uni and kids club work. The only positive is that the money is good. And i need the money.

I've accepted the job, mainly because of the money. I need the money. And i'm trying hard to be responsible and stop applying to other places in case i can get something better. It's confusing. I'm not sure what to do, and have nobody to talk to about it. Mum is irrational and dad really doesn't have the energy to care about what i do. Boyfriend does, but i don't like admiting that i'm worried that i'm not going to be able to handle it or something.

As it stands, the job is mine (even though i'm away for six weeks out of the next two months - no idea why they wanted to hire me!) and i start training the week after i get back from fiji. Yes, that's the week i'm supposed to be planning kids club that week. Who knows how i get everything done. But i'll get $600 for my training week alone, as it's 9-3 each day. I need the money for travel, and mum and i have been fighting so much lately that i think i'll be saving it up to move out. I can't afford to turn it down...

Anyway, my main point was that i got that beautiful email from Hains and it put a smile on my dial. He's a legend. And it's nice having a bit of a fan club!!

2009-11-02T22:19:00.002+10:30

I hurt on the inside. More of an ache than a sharp pain. I hurt most of the time. I don't feel emotions anymore. I miss feeling happy. I miss being excited and nervous and anything at all. I feel sad sometimes, but even then it's more about the fact that i can't feel anything than the things that actually should be making me sad. It's confusing and makes me all muddled on the inside. I don't like it. It's frustrating and i hate it so much. Unfortunately, i don't know how to make it go away. And it's hard to concentrate and study. Which is extra hard when exams are coming up. I would like it to stop. I don't know how.

2009-10-31T15:11:00.002+10:30

It's a testament to how unexciting my life is at the moment that i have nothing to blog about except my over-load of work that i have to do this week. Boring is an understatement. However, exams have crept up rather quickly and i only have two or so weeks to get my act together, plus an assignment due on thursday that i've not done much of. Oopsie.

Anyway, for once i'm not here to complain about my workload (just think of it as implied).

I'm instead going to tell you about the very corny thing that boyfriend and i have taken to doing. Pretty much every time that we see each other we argue about what to do - neither of us like to decide, for fear of picking something the other doesn't like. Unfortunately this leads to us doing nothing, which gets old pretty fast.

However, there is one thing that we're partial to doing. Once, i took boyfriend up to Windy Point to see the infamous spot where Miha and i drink a lot of coffee. Being young and innocent, he didn't know anything about it, so it was clearly my duty to initiate him. As part of my attraction to all things shiny, i love the lights twinkling and it seems i've passed on my addiction to him.

Now, we lookout hop. Except we've run into a small hitch. Apart from Windy Point there don't seem to be many decent lookouts around. Most have a plethora of trees infront that block the view (stupid!). The best views are on the drive to and from them, which is so silly. We we've explored and finally found a semi-decent spot that you can see all the pretty twinkles from but it's not perfect... so if anyone knows a great spot to see the shiny things, let me know!

I know it's a little corny to go up on a hill and watch the shiny lights but whatever... we don't really go out often and i get bored being inside all the time! So it's better than nothing. And i get a fill of pretty shiny things, which is always a plus.

No idea why i'm telling you this really. But it makes a nice change from study, study, study. Speaking of, i'd better get back to it (or at least keep watching Pretty Woman...).

2009-10-28T13:23:00.002+10:30

So. Much. Work. To. Do.

It's not happening. I'm getting nowhere. Exams are in about a month, so that's worthy of panic. For the first time in a week, i've actually opened a book independently. Congratulate me. The rest of my time is spent sleeping. Seriously.

Currently, i'm kind of waiting for a text that i expected... obviously, i haven't got it yet. I hate that 'constantly checking your phone to see if you got the message' thing. Argh, so frustrating.

Poor blog is suffering from a lack of attention... but i'll be back soon, so long as exam prep doesn't kill me!

Technology Hates Me, BUT...

2009-10-25T22:55:00.002+10:30

Technology definitely hates me. This week, my harddrive blew up, i got it replaced, the replacement didn't work, so i hate to get that replaced.... and my ipod missed delivery, so i had to make a trip to the airport to get it back and more mix ups ensued....

BUT right now i don't really care. Because i have a shiny, shiny new ipod! And it's super cool. It has cool games to keep me busy (currently, i'm pleased to be running my own salon and it's super fun), speakers, awesomely organised playlists, good movies, favourite photos, the internet (woo, facebook and twitter!) and a pretty new case. And did i mention that it's shiny? Boyfriend and i are pretty nerdy and spend our time looking at all the cool new things. Love. It.

So, currently, that's what i'm doing when i'm not sleeping. Or attempting (and failing) to study. I've got sooooo much work to do that i'm scared of it, and in denial. Healthy, i'm sure. So, now i'm going to mess around on the internet instead of work. Hurrah for being a good student!

When panic ensues, i'm sure i'll let you know.

Bachata, Baby!

2009-10-20T21:50:00.002+10:30

I am officially now an student of intermediate bachata, as i finished my beginners course tonight. The instructor said i was doing well, woo! Despite the fact that i somehow was moving my knees at double speed to my feet... still now sure how i managed that! Anyhoo, had it sorted by the end of class, so all good. I actually enjoyed today. Mainly we just put everything that we learnt together and danced properly for most of the time, which was so much fun. It was easier than usual, and we managed to incorporate our turns and spins and leads and everything. I even managed to follow the lead, which normally i struggle to do. It was awesome, and i had a blast. Dancing is so much more fun when i don't suck!

Next week we start the next block of classes. Intermediate traditional bachata. I'm looking foward to it (i think!), even though all of us beginners will be entering the class at the bottom of the heap and i can go back to looking a little bit silly as i fall over my feet. Still, i can't wait to improve some more and get some more confidence. Then maybe i'll be able to go out dancing for real and not feel like a moron :) Yay for dance classes!

Money, Money, Money

2009-10-17T15:38:00.002+10:30

I'm the person who, if given one wish, would wish for three more wishes. Or unlimited wishes!! Then one of those wishes would most definitely be for a tree that grows money. Nice, green one hundred dollar bills, please!

Last night i blew a stack of money on a new i-pod. Now, i don't really NEED a new ipod. The one i have at the moment works fine. But i WANT a new one. My lovely OCD says that i need the newest technology. And despite my hard work clearing out my itunes this week, i needed the large one. So there goes a whole stack of money.

I'm saving to go away at the end of the year, for christmas presents, for little pressies for El (who just got out of hospital after having her tonsils out) and Libby (who's about to turn 21) and a few other people, not to mention money for bachata and yoga classes, petrol, food, clothes, the new Matthew Reilly book and various other extraneous things.

All of that said, despite the somewhat reckless spending, i'm quite excited about my new ipod. It will arrive in the post sometime next week. Woo! And it's inscribed with a lovely message from boyfriend, to remind me how much he loves me. Yay for shiny new technology!

2009-10-14T22:42:00.002+10:30

Ok, i have so much work to do at the moment. I have one more big assignment before exams, not to mention all of the reading/noting/catching up on lectures that i still have to do. Let's just say that it's a BIG pile of work. And yet, i have done nothing all day. Or yesterday. Or the day before. I handed in a big assignment on monday, but other than that i've pretty much done shit all this week. Granted, i've been sick and exhausted. But that's really no excuse.

I'm in one of those moods where the very idea of picking up a book seems beyond my capabilities. I'm mad at myself, because i know i have heaps to do. And i really want to do it! I want to get it done, and i don't even mind the act of noting! But i just can't make myself do it. It may sound like i'm just being slack, and i'm sure that's true in part. But on the other hand, i know it's not just me being a lazy bum. I physically am unable to do things at the moment. I know it has something to do with my stupid depressed brain. which unfortunately means there's very little i can do about it.

This lack of work is making me feel crappy and pushing me towards the dark place. Ugh. It feels like i just left it.

Anyway, my inability to do anything is extending to blogging. Despite my wanting to tell you about things, the act of writing isn't easy. So, despite the fact that i'm sure very few people read my drivel, i thought i'd just let you know. I'll be back properly soon i hope. Until then, you might get a few bits and pieces here and there. Hope everyone else is having a good week!

2009-10-14T12:47:00.002+10:30

I saw Couples Retreat yesterday. I was expecting another Vince Vaughn dodgy 'comedy', which was why i took boyfriend for his birthday. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for me), it turned out that Vince Vaughn is actually capable of semi-serious acting. The movie was surprisingly good.

It centered around four couples who were all on the brink of divorce and went to a tropical island to try and sort everything out. When it wasn't what the had expected and it turned into a week of forced therapy, they weren't happy. What ensued was a week of slowly figuring out that things aren't always easy, but with enough love and work everything can work out.

I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so this movie pleased me. Add Kirsten Davis and Kristen Bell (both of whom i love) and the sister from 27 Dresses and you have some awesome female actresses. The men were nothing to drool over though! But who cares. The island was beautiful, and i couldn't predict what would happen. It was a good movie and i really liked it. Go see it :)

2009-10-09T21:29:00.003+10:30

Geez, study is so boring. I've been so sick this week that all i've wanted to do is sit around and sleep. Of course, that means that i've done very little study. While i still fall asleep whenever i close my eyes, i've finally cracked open a book. Woot! That's not to say i've done very much, but still.

My weekend should be full of study - and starting/finishing the huge assignment that i have due on monday. But i sense that i'm just going to want to sleep the whole time... i'm just so so so tired.

Tomorrow night, i have to go out to dinner with boyfriend's family. This is scary enough on it's own. I've never been 'the girlfriend' to someone's parents before. But there are a few extraneous factors that are making me extra nervous. And i don't know what to wear, which adds extra stress of course. I have to look perfect. Fingers crossed it all goes well...

After that, Loz and i are taking boyfriend out on the town for the first time. While, at the moment, i can barely pull myself together enough to get out of bed, get dressed, get out of the house... i somehow have to look amazing, and pull out a fun, exciting, high-energy night in town. Plus, i haven't been out drinking in such a long time. I don't really know how that will go. No idea how i'm going to do it just yet, but i suppose we'll just have to wait and see.

For now, i'm just trying not to panic and get some work done. Stupid uni. I just want to go back to sleep for about 100yrs, a la Sleeping Beauty. I figure that would be somewhat theraputic.

Hope you're all having a good weekend!!

One Of Those Days

2009-10-07T20:10:00.002+10:30

Well, i'm sick again. The racking cough, constant sniffle kind of sick. Today was my first free day since before the holidays (yes, now i'm back at uni, so i didn't get much of a holidays), so i planned to spent it all just chilling out. Which i more or less did. I'm still in pj bottoms, and i was in bed all morning and on the computer all afternoon. I've been obsessively sorting my itunes all day, because i want a new ipod touch and can't get one until i've obsessively sorted what i've already got. It's taking forever. I've been too out of it to move around much, but the lack of moving around has made me feel icky too. Add to that the fact that i'm getting back into the dark place and am slightly miserable and spiralling down. Basically, today isn't a great one.

On the plus side, with some major stress, i got two assignments in on time yesterday (one wasn't actually due until tomorrow, so i'm ahead of myself there). The next one isn't due until monday, so i'm not in a state of work-related panic at the moment. Granted, i have piles and piles of work to do... but what's new. I'm screwed for exams and will probably fail everything this semester. But i totally don't care at the moment.

Blah blah blah, life sucks.

Exhausted Doesn't Begin To Cover It

2009-10-05T13:51:00.002+10:30

Last week was Kids Club again. We had the biggest numbers that we've had in a long time - 76 over the entire week, and about 50 per day. With numbers like that it was always bound to be fairly chaotic, but we also had a lack of leaders. So, we were pretty much flat out all week. There were kids everywhere and always more jobs to be done! Every morning, more and more people turned up to register (inconsiderate and arrogant, but good nonetheless).

We spend most of the week playing games, cooking and doing crafts. The older kids went off to Archery, and we did treasure hunts all over the neighborhood. We had a rodeo carnival one afternoon, with the dunking machine, put put golf, sideshow games and a big bouncy castle - an awesome afternoon! On friday half of us took the older kids to Greenhills Adventure Park, which they loved - but it was absolutely freezing and all us leaders were practically turning blue! Thank goodness we had pancakes to cook, woo!

The week went really well overall. The kids had a blast and the parents had rave reviews. The leaders thought it went well, and we had no huge disasters. We didn't even have any big injuries! Apart from the fact that one of the leaders and i had major clashes that made me feel pretty shit. But we were over it by the end of the week.

Friday night after the cleaning up and leaders pizza party, we had a movie night with the youth group. I barely made it through Fifty First Dates, and then Benchwarmers started skipping halfway through... and i fell asleep in the middle of Handcock. Oopsie. Didn't get home til 1.30am. 17hours at work. I think that's a few too many.

I'm absolutely exhausted. I've been flat out for two weeks, after a full on term. The holidays have been a total waste!! Now, i have a 3000word essay due tomorrow afternoon that i've barely started. I had big plans to get up early today and start, but boyfriend stayed over and we didn't get up until lunch. I've found a bunch of articles online, and now have to slot them into my assignment. It's worth 50%, so i had planned to do a good job of it, but it's just not going to happen. I can tell that i'm going to end up padding it all out with crap, just to meet the word limit. I suck sometimes. In my defence, i offer the exhaustion, complete lack of downtime and the sickness that i picked up from a kid last week that has me coughing and sniffing like crazy.

I'd better get back to the grindstone, but i figured i should let you all know that i've not died and i still love my blog! Wish me luck... i'm really going to need it.

Old Boys Club

2009-09-26T20:44:00.003+09:30

A week or so ago it was time for the annual Adelaide Club fathers and children dinner. I said i'd go with Dad, because i knew it would be good for us to bond but the condition was that some family friends of ours would go too, so that i'd have someone to talk to! At the last minute, they pulled out. Dad said that we'd skip it, as neither of us were that keen to go... but then he changed his mind. Grumpy face. But still, i didn't mind toooo much. But then mum stepped in.

I was informed that everything i owned was unsuitable and promiscuous, so she wanted to me wear my ridiculous navy blue and brown bo-peep dress with the pleated puffy sleeves and the big bow at the back. No thanks. That dress makes me look like an idiot. I asked mum if i could wear my black strapless - it's knee length, plain, perfectly reasonable. Mum flipped. Apparently, it's unacceptable to wear strapless dresses to the Adelaide Club. Goodness knows why. Naturally, tempers errupted, huge arguments ensued. Eventually, mum furiously told me i could wear my black dress so long as i wore a jacket over it. By the time Dad and i finally left, things were strained.

Once we arrived, things were ok. I was in my pretty dress and my pretty heels, so i felt ok. Sure, i knew nobody and was surrounded by strange old men. Then i saw a girl that i went to school with and we chatted until it was time to be seated. In typical Adelaide Club style, everything was done by the book. The men weren't allowed to sit until after the opening words and after the women had been seated. There were far too many forks, spoons, knives and glasses in front of me, but i managed to use them all correctly and eat properly, so i did Dad proud.

It turned out that the people we'd been seated with were lovely. One man was a judge on the Supreme Court, and the other was an accountant i think. Their kids all knew each other, so were riotously getting along at the other end of the table, while i was listening quietly to their conversations and occasionally joining in on the men's conversation. Dad's like me. As the meal slowly progressed, the kids at the other end of the table started to warm to me and include me. The boy next to me was lovely and one of the girls, Charlotte, came and sat next to me during dessert and we chatted about life, travel, study - all that kind of thing. It was good.

Add to that that the food was yummy. Rather than the usual tiny portions of pretentious food, the courses were well sized and delicious. By the end of it, i was stuffed, as was everyone else. The chocolate mousse for dessert with strawberries was delish. Yay for yummy pretentious food. And thank goodness i wore the black dress. I was surrounded by beautiful girls with shoulders bared; if i'd worn the bo peep dress, i would have stuck out like a sore thumb and been avoided like the plague by the fancy kids.

Overall, it was a pretty good night. The conversation was scintillating, the people were interesting, the food was good, the tradition was nice and dad and i got along really well. It was a good night!! Normally, rich people aren't my favourite, as they tend to be a little self absorbed and spoilt. But i don't know, there was something different tonight. It was nice to sit down and talk to people who were intelligent and confident. It was almost as if i fit in? While i hate the stigma of the elitist world, i have to face the facts. I have been born into that world, surrounded by well-educated and cultured people. My parents friends travel lots, play gold and bridge and have a plethora of long lunches where they sit around drinking wine. It's a lifestyle. Granted, i do more for the community than many of them do. But i can hold my own in their conversations. I'm bright, curious and quick-witted. While i hate admitting it, it's nice to just relax into that snobby world sometimes.

This year, dinner was much more bearable than the last time. I relaxed into their world instead of fighting against it. It was so much easier. Next year, i'll give it another go and see how it goes down. And, with any luck, i'll get to hang out with some of the people i met this year sometime soon, because they were good fun. All in all, a successful night. Dad was pleased. Yay!!

New Zealand Visitor

2009-09-24T18:10:00.002+09:30

When i went to Europe, i made friend named Libby. She was lots like me - we laughed lots, had heaps of fun and were our usual companions as we explored Europe. I haven't seen her in almost two years now. This week, she came over to Adelaide to see me! She flew in sunday afternoon and left yesterday. We had such a good time, i had forgotten how much fun we had together. I enjoyed playing tourist!!

Sunday night flew by. We had planned to see a movie, as the movie theatre in the small town that Lib comes from shut down years ago and she has to drive hours to the cinema now. However, Lib was knackered and fell asleep around 6, so i just spent the night chilling.

When monday came, it was time to dig deep and think of all of the touristy things that you can do in Radelaide. Despite the warm weather of the past few weeks, it was a horrible morning. Pouring with rain, gale winds, bitterly cold... we decided that Lib must've brought the awful weather with her from NZ. We picked Loz up and headed up the freeway. Our first stop was the Mt. Lofty Summit. Despite the cold and the wind, it was pretty cool to see the panoramic view of Adelaide, and we stopped off to get postcards and other touristy things. Then we headed up to Hahndorf. Before we could get out of the car, the rain started to pound down. We raced for the German Arms, where we settled in for some lunch. They had a fire, so it was nice and warm!! We ate lunch and it was super filling and yummy. Afterwards, we dashed through the rain between shop verandas and looked at all of the Hahndorf goodies. We hit a few chocolate and sweet shops to stock up on treats, and i got a lucky fairy coin from the awesome fairy shop. Eventually, we'd had enough of getting wet, so we headed to Harbor Town for some shopping. Lib was looking for shorts, but apparently Adelaide isn't ready to sell those yet... instead we found a few random bits and pieces and stocked up on hula hoops for kids club. It was still bucketing down and we got soaked again, but there were rainbows this time!!

We had a big family dinner, with Lib and my new bf (a story for another time...), which was far less terrifying than we had all thought that it would be. Phew! Lib went to sleep early again and i hung out with the boyfriend for awhile. One successful night as a tour guide down!

On Tuesday i dropped Lib in town while i went to work for awhile. There's way too much to do for kids club for me to have skipped a day! I went in at lunch to collect her and we wandered the shops for awhile - we bought cds and had coffee and a chat... it was a pretty chilled day. The afternoon was spent reading the new Dan Brown book, which was exciting. At night, Loz and i took Lib on a nightlife tour of adelaide... this consisted of a drive through town to see the Lantern, the zoo, St. Peter's cathedral and the unis, before heading down to the beach for gelati and a walk to the jetty. We finished up with a trip to Windy Point, where cops asked us if we were the ones doing burnouts, we took lots of photos and stole a traffic cone on the way down the hill again for use at kids club. Not super exciting, but we made it work...

On wednesday, Lib was up super early so we made the most of the day. Loz and i took her to see The Ugly Truth at Marion, before we explored IKEA and hung out at the airport for awhile. I finally got my bookshelves at IKEA and we had Hungry Jack's for lunch. Loz got her scissors confiscated at the security point - they refused rather rudely just to hold onto them for us. Grr. We waved Lib off at the gate with promises to see each other again soon.

It was great seeing Lib. I loved having her around - she was so much fun and she's so easy to be with - moreso than heaps of the people that i know in Adelaide. I miss her already and hopefully i'll get over to NZ soon. It was a pretty awesome few days!

Visitor!

2009-09-22T11:32:00.002+09:30

My Contiki friend Lib is here from NZ this week, just to visit me. Hence, the lack of posts that i'm sure you're all dearly missing. We're having a blast, it's so good to see her! I forgot how easy she is to get along with and have fun with. Yay! I'm stoked that she came to Adelaide just to visit me. Finding touristy things to do was hard though! I'll tell you about it later. She leaves tomorrow afternoon, so i promise that after that i'll be back... I tell you, it's exhausting having someone stay in your bedroom! You have to keep them entertained 24/7 and can never just properly relax!! I'm knackered and can't wait to sleep... unfortunately, it's the holidays and i have a million things on (study, parties, study, catching up with friends, study, planning kids club, RUNNING kids club...) and i never seem to have enough time to sleep!! But hopefully tomorrow afternoon i'll get some downtime. For now, i've got a million things to do at work, and then i've got to pick Lib up from town! Hope you're all enjoying the holidays!

Happy 1000!

2009-09-19T00:00:00.002+09:30

I've missed my blog! I've been flat out this week getting assignments in and planning Kids Club for the week after next. I've had so much to say about my yoga classes, dancing class, the father-daughter dinner at the Adelaide Club tonight and all the other goings on in my life. There were big plans to spend my 1000th post writing about the zen i get from my yoga, but i just haven't had time to do it justice... and i've been away from my blog for so long that i finally caved and am wasting it on a general update!

Right now, i'm pretty knackered and would like to go to sleep... but i'm kind of waiting for a phone call, so i have to hold out at least until one. I promise, now that i'm on holidays, i'll spend some time updating you all on my life next week. Because i'm sure you all totally care.

Yay for 1000 posts!

2009-09-11T21:54:00.002+09:30

It's friday night. My parents are away for the weekend. Sounds like a perfect time for a party - or at least a girls night. And what am i doing? I'm sitting at home, alone, attempting to study. I just took my refresher CPR course and am good to save lives for another year. I played taxi to some friends, dropping them at various friday night activities - clearly, the universe's little way of teasing me about the fact that i don't have a life... i can't even just relax and enjoy having the night to myself, seeing as i have two huge assignments due on thursday that i've barely started and don't really know how to do. I have no plans tomorrow, am working tomorrow night, have sunday school the next morning... what a waste of a weekend. And, i'm sitting here listening to the fireworks going off at the show and feeling miserable because i didn't get to join in on the carnival fun this year (seeing the fireworks just reminds me that i'm not there).

I'm so bored. I want to go to bed and read my books with a nice chai. Yum. But i at least have to do a little more work first.

In brighter news, i'm looking forward to blogging about the awesome yoga class that i went to yesterday. I totally discovered my inner zen. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow!

PS. I Love You (pt 4)

2009-09-09T20:49:00.005+09:30

One of my best friends was just dumped by her boyfriend. It was completely out of the blue. They were the kind of couple that always seemed happy. Privvy to insider information, for the most part that was true. Everyone assumed that, if anyone had a chance of making it in this world, they did. But suddenly, they're over. It was a shock. Suddenly, my slowly blossoming hope that there could be hope for some of us has been shaken.

I've been writing lots about love lately, obviously. About what love means, about how to find it. I just read a book called How To Be Single by Liz Tullico (the woman who co-authored He's Just Not That Into You). The book was surprisingly good. It focused on the main character's battle through singledom. She quit her job and travelled to india, paris, rome, australia, china, bali, iceland and mexico, talking to other single women about how they managed. Sounds trite, but there was actually some pretty decent stuff in there. In the end, obviously, there's no one conclusion. Basically, the idea was that women need to learn to love themselves, love each other and never give up hope that there's a prince waiting out there for everyone.... It was supposed to be inspiring. At the end of it, i knew it was well written, but i didn't know whether it was just a woman writing about her despair, thinly veiling it in hope.

In that tell-all Wikipedia article i've been reading (yes, i use Wikipedia as a place to gather solid facts, especially on existential matters like love), there's all sorts of talk about our inner animal driving us to find love, as if it's a primal need, like hunger or thirst. Or maybe it's a chemical reaction, our pheromones. Maybe it's just psychological; an attraction or desire for affection and comfort, brough about by what we've been told about love. Let's face it, none of us really know.

All over the world, people have different ideas about how love works. Persians think that finding a divine love is the ultimate goal in life. In China, there are many sorts of love; Confucious preaches beneficial love, Yuanfen is a collection of bound destinies, and Zaolian is love early in childhood/adolescents/young adults. Japan has indulgent dependance, a passionate and caring love. All religions have different ideas about what it means to love, and be loved - Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism... It seems to me that, when it comes to love, nobody has any idea about what's happening when it comes to love.

The fact that the entire world is completely clueless about love doesn't exactly inspire me. At least it gives rise to a bizzare sense of solidarity. I'm not alone in my complete and utter cluelessness. With the rest of the world searching for answers, it at least justifies my desire to keep looking. And i will. Next point of interest? Love in Ancient Greece.

PS. I Love You (pt 4)

2009-09-09T20:49:00.001+09:30

My Life In The Hovel

Hi world!

Melbourne!

Survival!

Jeremy Clarkson

Youth Retreat

Unbiased? HA!

Happy Birthday Mum

Girls Just Wanna have Fun

Poor Car

Happy Birthday to ME! Pt 2...

Happy Birthday to ME!

Birthday Girl!

Mother, May I

Internet World

Texts From Last Night

(306):

(860):

(702):

(480):

Scary Car Accident

50 Amazing, but Useless Facts

Goodbye for Now...

Two Things...

What's In A Name?

Hey Fatty

Kids Galore

The Perfect Adelaide Date...

HELL as explained by a Chemistry student...

Just My Luck

Guilt

9 Deadly Words Used By A Woman...

My Drug

'Alias'

Hard Times Ahead

Me Likey Shiny Things

Dusgust

Getaway

Home, Sweet Home

En France!!

Paddywagon

London, Scotland, Ireland...

More From Barcelona...

Barcelona!

Happy Holidays!

Survived!

Kids Club Week... Enough Said.

Whatever, I'm On FIJI Time

Holidaying in Fiji!! Will tell you all about it when I get home :) xxx

GREEN TEAM Schoolies 09!

'Alias'

Not A Good Day

Dying For Freedom!!!

Kind Words

Technology Hates Me, BUT...

Bachata, Baby!

Money, Money, Money

One Of Those Days

Exhausted Doesn't Begin To Cover It

Old Boys Club

New Zealand Visitor

Visitor!

Happy 1000!

PS. I Love You (pt 4)

PS. I Love You (pt 4)